China’s Secret WMD Program Revealed!

Just when you thought they’d settled for poisoning your children.

But Nooooooooooo. The Yellow Peril, lurking all this time behind a mask of bland inscrutability and blind greed, has been quietly working since the collapse of the Cold War. Working on a project so secret that even the vast armies of workers working on it don’t know what it is they’re working on. Indeed: so secret they don’t even actually know they’re working at all.

It’s a secret, see? Quality control is so important.

I worry if whoever thought up the term ‘quality control’ thought that
if we didn’t control it, it would get out of hand.
Lily Tomlin

But what have they actually been working on? Oh, we’re glad you asked. For we right here at the ol’ raincoaster blog have got the world exclusive. Yes, we alone know exactly what mighty machine of destruction has been stealthily constructed, right under the very noses of the foreign Olympic-hunting paparazzi. Nothing less than the largest weapon of mass destruction since Britney’s appearance at the VMA’s. Nothing less than the Doomsday Machine Itself.

The Great Beijing National Bomb

Beijing, China: Workmen clean the roof of the National Grand Theatre
Photograph: Adrian Bradshaw/EPA

Oh, how clever these Chinese are. They think we can be taken in by a simple line drawn in Photoshop and a two-bit reflection filter on a photograph that had to pass through vigilant bureaucratic censors. They think we really believe this to be a simple photograph of workers on top of a rounded building, a concert hall, a theatre perhaps. HA! But if you have the skill to remove the slave-created, primitive layers of deception all is revealed after the jump.

A click here, a click there, and voilà! The naked truth is revealed:

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touched by the noodly appendage of the law

Flying Spaghetti Monster goes to court

Crossville, Tennessee welcomes its newest resident, the universally-revered Flying Spaghetti Monster. Recognized as a living god, he dwells now outside the Crossville courthouse among his pirate worshippers, spreading the doctrine of Pastafarianism among all peoples.

Ramen.

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raincoasterrolled


via Valleywag and cross-posted to TeenyManolo

So that’s twice in my life. I think that’s a respectably low number of times, and I still owe AA for the first one. That’s not Alcoholics Anonymous (where would *I* ever encounter such people?) it’s Aquarian Angel. As with many of my good friends, I don’t know her actual name; well, I know 50% of it, but I also know she’s both extremely closety about her online life and armed with a shotgun she calls “Betsy.” Why do they always give them girl’s names? Is it like hurricanes or something, where you just look at it and know it’s a “Louisette” or “Martha” or something?

Where was I? Oh, yes: on painkillers.

Mention should be made (today I was out at a client’s, teaching them all about blogging and you just KNOW that mention was made of avoiding the passive voice) of the fact that today my fine heinie is featured over at the Grassy Knoll Institute. Where he got the photo I have no idea, but what can I say? After the winter we’ve had, the tramp stamp needed to be let out for some fresh air.

And this concludes our coverage of April 1, 2008.

over Steve Jobs’ dead body

Steve Jobs’ Grave. iDied.

Note: Belkin dock

UPDATE; if you got here after October 4th, 2011, you want to look at this post too. It’s my tribute to Steve.

The power behind the throne

I’ll bet you’ve always wondered. Now, from MyConfinedSpace via Ectoplasmosis and a tipoff from dissfunktional comes photographic proof of what we at the ol’ raincoaster blog have always suspected. Paging David Icke, paging David Icke, we’re sorry about the misunderstanding

The power behind the Pope

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