Yes, Sami Salo’s not-quite-ruptured-but-seriously-slapshotted testicle has spoken. And to me, no less! Now get your ass over to TheCelebrityIndustrialComplex at TrueSlant and read the article in which I quiz Sami Salo’s ball! It’s the first time I’ve ever interviewed a celebrity testicle. Hell, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen balls that speak for themselves!
And just why does Cthulhu want you to stay in school? So you can read awesome books like Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters. Promotional book video below (yes, books come with videos nowadays, I guess so they can still appeal to the illiterates out there who can’t watch tv without moving their lips):
To say I was skeptical of the merits of this tome would be to understate the case to a positively perjorrific extent, and when I picked it up at the bookstore what actually ended up selling it wasn’t the book; it wasn’t even the premise, although with me anything with tentacles is a pretty safe bet.
10. Is Monsieur Pierre a symbol for something? Name three other well-known works of Western literature that feature orangutan valets. Are those characters also slain by pirates?
I always HATE the part in the comedy of manners when the ourangutan valet is slain by pirates. I mean, you know it’s coming, right? But what can you do about it, right? Nothing; amirite?
He also wants you to stay in school so that once it’s finished (oh, doesn’t everyone have a book they’re working on, destined to be put aside and picked up as the eons pass and never, ever finished?) you can read His autobiography, as told to Neil Gaiman.
I never knew my parents.
My father was consumed by my mother as soon as he had fertilized her and she, in her turn, was eaten by myself at my birth. That is my first memory, as it happens. Squirming my way out of my mother, the gamy taste of her still in my tentacles.
Don’t look so shocked, Whateley. I find you humans just as revolting.
Which reminds me, did they remember to feed the shoggoth? I thought I heard it gibbering.
The NYC visit of the President of Iran is as good an excuse as we need to re-post this video. View it quick, before Lorne Michael’s little trolls pry it from the internet’s sadly un-tenacious grasp.
It’s really very, very simple. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then here are three thousand words plus a few extra which, together, explain everything:
In this picture you can clearly see that the “volcanic” phenomenon are actuallycaused by the return of Godzilla. This is consistent with previous Godzilliandamage and destruction to property manifestations: fire breath, atmospheric disturbances, , disrespect of rule of international law, atomic disturbances and worldwide panic. Obviously, last time we buried Him so deep He dug His way out all the way over in Iceland, and His proximity to the surface of this tiny island nation explains the aberrantly swollen economy, its subsequent bust, and the remarkable prevalence of superpowers, in particular indie music stardom, among the population.
Sure, sure, it could just be natural forces: tectonic plates shifting, hot lava spewing up from underground. Iceland basically runs off geothermal energy, the incredible kinetic forces locked beneath the earth’s crust. But have they ever really explored the true nature of those forces?
. Promotional book video below (yes, books come with videos nowadays, I guess so they can still appeal to the illiterates out there who can’t watch tv without moving their lips):
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raincoaster 