Category Archives: Jokes

Leave Chris Crocker ALONE! sez Seth Green

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You remember the original, from YouTube celebutard Chris Crocker? Which was sparked by the trainwreck, from LA celebutard Britney Spears?

Here’s the penultimate, from the guy who played Little Scotty Evil in all those Austin Powers movies:

And the transcript, courtesy of the uploader

Leave Chris Crocker alone…leave him alone! He is just a human, he has ideas that he knows is important and opinions ppl should hear about other ppl. he-he loves his grandmother, and hes going thru a tough time.. that britney pool didnt build itself, he had to build tht himself, he put all those pictures up after buying and collecting them all. did u do that?! u didnt do that….. you cant talk about someone when ur not willing to do wat they do.. u hve not spent a mile walking in his sneakers, or platforms or pumps,or i dont know what he wears,but i bet its stylish… fuck u, u judgemental people…he is dealing with a lot right now, u dont know make fun of him, if u wanna make fun of him ur gonna have to go thru me…and i am tough to go thru cuz i am (idk what he said here,tangable?[ed note: yes, “Tangible”])..leave him alone. and watch robot chicken sunday nights at 11:30 at cartoon networks adult swim, season 2 dvd available right now. so buy it… and leave him alone… ugh!

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Vacation Snaps of the Damned

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We’ve seen what happens when Death takes a holiday. Now let’s check out Worth1000 and see what happens to the rest of us once he gets back to work.

Nessie attacks

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mouldy oldies: why did the chicken cross the road

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Subservient Chicken crosses the road if you tell her to!

Stolen from the Silliness.org blog, which got it from god-knows-where, same place we all got it from: the email hole.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSAIN (this used to be Hitler, then Qadaffi)
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossing the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just released chicken 99, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of chicken.

EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

GEORGE W. BUSH
I don’t think I should have to answer that question.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious?
Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what “they” call it, the “other side”.
Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the “black man” in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

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The Dairy Continuum

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Camel cheese does not relate to this in any way, shape or form; to repeat, this has nothing whatsoever to do with camel cheese.Cheese diaries

Now, I’m not sure where this comes from. It could be something I vaguely remembered from a PJ O’Rourke book, from back when he was funny. That would put it in the mid Eighties, I think. Or it could be something I read in an Eighteenth Century French manuscript, or maybe Cotton Mather. Then again, perhaps cave inscriptions…who knows?

All I know is, dairy is immortal. It simply mutates into more expensive forms of dairy.

  • Spoiled milk is buttermilk
  • spoiled buttermilk is yogurt
  • spoiled yogurt is cottage cheese
  • spoiled cottage cheese is cream cheese
  • spoiled cream cheese is … cheese
  • spoiled cheese is … more expensive cheese
  • and so on…

This makes total sense to me, if not to my clean-living roomie.

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the market for #114: going long on Nasrallah

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Well this is lovely. In a no-doubt outreachy and educational move, Lebanon has popularized sticker books featuring politicians. Not exactly the glamorous and exciting Lost in Space stickerbooks of my youth, they are nonetheless popular with collecting-y types. One particular thing stands out, however.

Hezbollah stickers

I got all the major politicians except Hassan Nasrallah. Apparently he’s a hard to find sticker. It makes me wonder who is making these stickers. By only printing a limited number of Nasrallahs, it may be a political statement. But at the same time, it means that the demand for Nasrallah is being driven up and he’s becoming more desirable. No matter how you look at it, Nasrallah is the hardest man to find in Lebanon.

Me, I think the CIA cornered the market and is passing them out to new recruits as part of the training process.

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