Pussy tips from Fox: picking the perfect playmate for your cat house

Catwoman relaxing with her humans

Cat houses are notoriously hard to manage and staff. While we’ve all made impulsive choices at one time or another, some decisions are far too important to be left to the whims of the moment. Certainly at the time it seems right. It seems natural. It seems good.

But the next morning, when there are another’s hairs in the sink and breath in our faces, we must ask ourselves: did we really make the right choice?

Fortunately, the ever-dependable Fox News has stepped into the breach and collected a list of tips for picking the perfect pussy. Never again will you face morning-after remorse!

[they] can be a wonderful addition to any household. But many novice — —-rs assume this “pet” will be an aloof alternative to a —, which is far from the truth. While they can stay indoors and do not have the exercise requirements of —s, —s do require attention and stimulation…

Although —s are usually thought of as a low-maintenance ——, they still need play time and care. —s may not need to be taken out for a walk, but that does not mean they do not require a serious commitment.

No matter whether it is a ———– ——– — or Russian —-, the decision to buy a — should be a decision made by every single person in the household…

Baby ——s, especially a wide-eyed ——, can be almost impossible to pass up. Anyone looking for a —— should consider that it is a tiny bundle of energy, very different from the composed demeanor of many adult —-.

“… they tend to be active from 3 to 6 a.m.,” Buchwald said. “It takes a lot of care. We often say, if you don’t feel like being awakened in the middle of the night, then maybe opt for an adult…” [anyone with a teenager would agree]

All ——-s are natural scratchers, according to Tartaglia, so it is important to provide natural surfaces … so ——– behavior does not turn destructive.

For people looking for a specific —, they might want to consider a breeder

And so on. That’s Fox: Not Afraid to Be Servicey.

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Interstellar House and Garden

Nyarlathotep? Azathoth!The old Gloaming homestead of Miami has been given a glamorous new makeover since those exotic and exciting social dynamos the Nyarlathoteps rescued it in April of this year. The redecoration has spared no expense, and the charmingly distressed mansion is filled with those remarkable and seductively alien little touches that remind the owners of their former home. Eldritch-y!

They are from France.

And just wait till you see what they’ve done with the cellar!

Chihuly tree

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what are they putting in the water over there?

Seriously, this is ridiculous.

Catfishwife

That’s a catfish the way a sabertoothed tiger is a cat. You’re looking at a record-breaking 66 pounds of fish sticks (a gazillionty-seven kilograms, howthefuckshouldiknoweh) landed by Bev Street, a deceptively mild-mannered housewife with, obviously, a lethal antipathy to free-range freshwater fish.

In unrelated news, I have recently deleted our dear friend StevenL from the blogroll, as his former idiosyncratic football/politics/pikefishing/future lung cancer victims rights blog has turned into a gay, pink, ad-bedecked page of financial advisor for profit links. Bleagh. Buh-bye.

…and release.

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if only I could get money out of mine…

I hear some women know the trick.

Pussy Purse This little item, from Lola’s Dashboard (via Hazel) reminds me, for no reason I can put my finger on (in polite company) of the time I was at the Bacara resort near Santa Barbara, eating the most expensive breakfast of my life ($42 plus tip) and discussing, as one does at the breakfast table, the Black Dahlia murder case. I managed to avoid the more gruesome bits (a tricky business, to say the least) and concentrate on the psycho-social aspects of the case.

“Everyone said she was dumb, but by the time she died,” I said of the then-22-year-old victim, “she’d been living off men for five years. And she was still a virgin.”

“I want to know how.”

And quick as a flash, the waitress said, “When you find out, let me know, too.”

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Terror Alert Level: Speedos!

Borat! Yo! MY EYES! MY EYES!

Shocking news from Guantanamo Bay, as reports trickle in that security has been breached, in several, very palpable ways.

Prisoners have been sighted in possession of, and actually wearing, contraband items which have obviously been smuggled in somehow, to purportedly the most secure compound on Earth. Ringed by the Caribbean Ocean, patrolled by endless US Navy and Coast Guard boats, continuously scouted by fighter jets and surveillance drones, nonetheless the Gitmo prison camp has proven as porous as cheesecloth, all the forces of the United States Military no more effective than the elderly, be-aproned greeters at Wal-Mart.

We’re talking Speedos, people.

From the AP, via the Guardian:

SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico (AP) – Guards at the Guantanamo Bay prison camp found two prisoners sporting unauthorized underwear, and the U.S. military is investigating to determine how they got the contraband.

Both prisoners were caught wearing Under Armour briefs and one also had on a Speedo bathing suit, items the military said were not issued by Guantanamo personnel or sent through the regular mail, according to a Defense Department letter obtained Friday by The Associated Press.

Army Lt. Col. Ed Bush, a spokesman at the jail holding some 340 men on suspicion of terrorism or links to al-Qaida and the Taliban, said more was involved than just an uproar over skivvies.

He said the appearance of contraband raised serious concerns about the potential for smuggling other items that could be used by detainees to harm themselves or staff.

There is no room for error when working in a dangerous environment, and constant vigilance is of the utmost importance,” Bush said.

Sweetie, if they look half-decent in them, you can be certain that at least some of your guards won’t take their eyes off of them. They’ve been away from home for a long time.

So, how does that work: if we wear the baggies, do the terrorists win?

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