Forget slow hands. There’s something the ladies like even better, and if you don’t know what it is, let’s look to Kuato, the veiny, stomach-dwelling Yoda creature from the Schwarzenschlocken meisterpiece that is Total Recall. Let’s face it, when you look like that, you’d better have some hidden talents, and we don’t mean playing the violin.

We mean making music with the humid harmonica.

Yes, the ladies like me, and they dig on my movie star status, but sometimes not all women are impressed by that. You know that singer Shania Twain? I showed her the veins in my tiny squat head and you know? Didn’t impress her. Not much at all.

I’m not the tallest guy in the world. I don’t drive a fast car. But based on the fact that I’m located in a guy’s torso, I know of which I speak. I’m in a perfect place to give a woman pleasure with my tiny gummy mouth and gimpy, rotted hands.

You think I’m joking? Ask me what I’m doing Saturday night. Just ask.

What am I doing Saturday night? Giving some lucky lady head. All of it. My whole head.

So kids, remember. Cunnilingus is cool. Blowjobs are so last semester.

Very indirectly via kstafford (sorry, ladies, I believe he’s taken).

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