We’re here, we’re caffeinated, and we’re doing this, Possums. Today is the investiture of the new Governor-General, who is NOT me (despite my second-best-impaired-by-Long-Covid efforts). It is Mary Simon, who, unlike me, is actually qualified for the job.
Here’s the program for the event, and here’s our video, with a mere 155 people watching live:
Here are our bingo cards:
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So, Possums, here we are again. Justin Trudeau has jettisoned the Covid-specific Briefings in favour of popping up all over the country, announcing huge federal investments in the local economy, affordable childcare, and offering to walk your dog and cut your lawn, all of which can’t possibly be motivated by hopes of winning your vote, because he hasn’t called an election yet.
Or rather, since he’s got a minority government, the NDP and CPC would rather die than give him an election at the present time, he hasn’t been ABLE to call an election yet, really.
A very smart person I know said the inevitable election will be October 10, because new MPs won’t be vested in their pensions until October 9, and they would NEVER support a party leader who risked their pensions just because he had a 25-point lead on the nearest competitor.
Time, Possums. It will tell. It’s certainly unlikely until Parliament reconvenes, which isn’t until September. God knows, those cottages need an airing-out after all this time away from them. Ch’yeah, like they haven’t been going all this time. Meanwhile I’ve been sitting in the same chair in the same room since March of last year.
For this first iteration of Non-Election Election Bingo, we’ll be using the old Covid Briefing Bingo cards, so there’s not much of a learning curve. Once I figure out how to edit a PDF I’ll make some non-election-specific cards, but that day, it is not this day. I know you, you can roll with this.
So here is our video, CPAC willing. They were getting a little erratic, towards the end of the Trudeau Covid briefings. French narration over top of the PM talking, audio dropping, not getting the placeholder for the livestream up in time. We shall see. It adds an element of suspense to an otherwise predictable appearance in Brampton, Ontario, that global hub of intrigue and danger.
Aha, here we are, 45 minutes late. Did he like, walk there or something? Let’s do this. Let us do this motherfucking thing.
And our cards are here:
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Well Possums, today neither of the computers would get online at all, so today’s bingo was done live entirely on two phones: one showing the CPAC video, the other tweeting like a mofo on an apple butter bender. It IS breakfast time for us late risers, after all. At least the coffee is ready.
So our intro is once again abbreviated. Let’s get right into it our briefing, today named after our arbitrary nomenclature theme with which we’ve been sticking for months now, and after the semiprecious stone most revered in China, and very much also after the semiprecious scorn heaped upon their government today by the Prime Minister of Canada who, despite everything he said in two official languages, still refuses to say the word “genocide” in either. Maybe by next Lunar New Year.
“种族灭绝” in case you were wondering. That’s “Genocide” in simplified Chinese. And, really, this is pretty simple.
Actually, before we begin we have a small announcement to make.
And now, a word from our Grand Vizier:
And here are our bingo cards:
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Hello, Possums, and welcome back to another episode of the Justin Trudeau Hour, coming to you live today from Rideau Cottage on the grounds of Rideau Hall, yet again. Just like old times, really. Will we have new porchscaping, Possums? An appearance from the family dog? Will we get the Sophie square? One is on tenterfuckinghooks, one is!
Today’s briefing is named after Napoleon, in accordance with our overarching nomenclature theme. Still no correct guesses in the comments section as to what that might be. But some plenty great visuals!
We shall see if either of my computers can make it through today’s #BriefingBingo alive. One can’t get on the internet, the other refuses to boot.
We’re running a bit behind, so today’s intro will be abbreviated in the interests of expeditiousness which, unusually for a Canadian political interest, has no money or votes at all to trade for influence, but where were we? Oh right, getting to the point.
Here’s the video:
Well, that was a right Royal or at least Imperial clusterfuck, wasn’t it?
So let’s for once use the CBC video and you’ll want to skip to 13:30 to avoid all the talking heads CBC has on salary and has to give airtime to. Well, for all I know they’re very good, but they’re just the warm-up for the actual bingo, right Possums?
And here are our bingo cards:
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Well, here we are again, Possums, doing another Covid Briefing Bingo just when we thought we’d never see another. With the continuously-imminent election uh, imminent, Justin Trudeau has an awful lot of other things on his plate, which is no doubt silver to match the spoons.
Oh, did I ever tell you my theory about why Boris Johnson hates boiled eggs? I did not, unless you were in the comments section of Boris’ blog about fifteen years ago, so here goes. We love a good digression around these parts, we surely do.
So, Boris Johnson, currently the Prime Minister of the Technically United But Actually Rapidly Disintegrating Kingdom, hates boiled eggs.
Now, you might not care, as I did not, as neither I nor you (in all probability) are egg farmers or egg restaurateurs. But there’s a delicious hook or two here: Schadenfreude and class war. And inorganic chemistry, which is always cool. We love a good inorganic chemistry digression, especially with lashings of class war and a dollop of Schadenfreude.
When you or I eat eggs, I bet you or I do so with a spoon made of steel. What happens when the steel meets the egg is…the egg gives, and we eat it. When a posh person such as Alexander Boris De Pfeffel Johnson (no really) eats an egg, he does it with a literally silver spoon. Or, if you’re just bougie, silver plate. And what happens when silver meets egg is, the silver reacts with the sulfur compounds in the egg and a really revolting gas is released.
So, the reason BoJo doesn’t like boiled eggs is, class privilege. I say we don’t tell him, and we keep all the nicely boiled and poached eggs to ourselves.
Dining privilege has its own pitfalls, Boris. Take note.
When you fly too close to the sun, you can get burned, as Canadian politicians routinely find out.
This is a Covid briefing post. It’s about a pandemic. Stick with me here.
Oh wait, speaking of tangents…
We are still in obedience to our arbitrarily though not randomly chosen naming convention of mystery. Today we are Sunburn, both in adherence to that convention (although we are 99% unconventional here normally ((but not conventionally))) and because we have been forgetting the sunscreen before heading out with Buddy to catch some Pokemon, and it takes better than an hour to hit all the Pokestops in the neighbourhood.
And maybe also for some other politically resonant resons.
So far in this series we have had:
Covid briefing. Right, right. Focus.
Let’s dive right in. Here’s our CPAC video:
And our Bingo cards, ten and counting. New one coming whenever I can be arsed which is anyone’s bet these days:
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