50 Things NOT to do at Hogwarts
1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are “covered in bees”.
2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
4. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge.
5. I am not allowed to attempt to breed a liger.
6. I will not go to class skyclad.
7.The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. [ed. note: Goddammit! Now I need to line up another date!]
10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not.
11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
14. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.
17. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”.
21. It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin that “Once you go Black, you never go back.”
24. I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as “Kitchen Stadium”.
28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.
37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.
38. I am not a Pinball Wizard.
47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
48. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new, pussycat?”
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raincoaster 