- Faking your own death is good for hits
- Being exposed as a serial killer is good for hits
- Flamewars are great for hits
- If at all possible, blog nekkid. They can tell.
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Category Archives: advice
The Dairy Continuum
Camel cheese does not relate to this in any way, shape or form; to repeat, this has nothing whatsoever to do with camel cheese.
Now, I’m not sure where this comes from. It could be something I vaguely remembered from a PJ O’Rourke book, from back when he was funny. That would put it in the mid Eighties, I think. Or it could be something I read in an Eighteenth Century French manuscript, or maybe Cotton Mather. Then again, perhaps cave inscriptions…who knows?
All I know is, dairy is immortal. It simply mutates into more expensive forms of dairy.
- Spoiled milk is buttermilk
- spoiled buttermilk is yogurt
- spoiled yogurt is cottage cheese
- spoiled cottage cheese is cream cheese
- spoiled cream cheese is … cheese
- spoiled cheese is … more expensive cheese
- and so on…
This makes total sense to me, if not to my clean-living roomie.
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camel cheese: the video!
Camel cheese; it’s not just for breakfast anymore.
More in our ongoing camel cheese coverage:
Ya learn something new every day, eh?
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the anticlimactic fortune-teller!
Not nearly as amusing as the Fortune Cookie Generator, but still cheaper than a real Gypsy, this is, however, more likely to be accurate given my well-known diner burger fetish and the fact that I eat at relatively crappy restaurants most of the time.
Your Anti Climactic Fortune |
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The Anti Climactic Fortune Teller
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a hedge fund manager explains everything
Well, a hedge fund manager explains in unique, hedge fund managerial style; which is to say, you might as well take a hit of acid, down a few fingers (say, nine) of tequila, and put on an audiotape of the Math Olympics while watching an old 16mm reel of The Candidate simultaneous with a laserdisc copy of How to Get Ahead in Advertising. It’s Fear and Loathing in East Hampton, baby, so fasten your seatbelts; it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
Well, for those of you with money, anyway. I, on the other hand, haven’t lost a cent! Ha, ha, ha! Where did I put that Janis Joplin album…?
So here, without further ado, is the simple, straightforward explanation of the global economic brainfart that just wiped out a significant, if small, percentage of the money of really, really obscenely stinkin’ rich people. Warm up your teensy, tinesy violins.
Hedge-Fund Guy Atones for
His Subprime Bond Sins
By Mark GilbertAug. 16 (Bloomberg) — Dear investor, we’d like to take this opportunity to update you on the recent performance of our hedge fund, Short-Term Capital Mismanagement LLP.
As you know, market selection for the entire fund is guided by a proprietary investing tool we like to call “a dartboard.” Once the asset classes are decided, individual security selections are generated by digitizing our unique hexagonal cuboid models.
Unfortunately, it transpires that our hexagonal cuboids are not as unique as we thought. Hundreds of other hedge funds possess identical dice. The technical term for this is a “crowded trade.” You may also see it referred to as “climbing on a bandwagon already headed for the wall.”
As our alpha generation collapses, our beta has turned negative, our delta hedging has gone toxic and, trust me, you do not want to hear about our gamma. We can’t even find our epsilons in the dark with both hands…
and so on, at length. I think their bonus is calculated by the wordcount.
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raincoaster 