news flash: Paris Hilton is not appealing

Paris in Prison 

But we knew that anyway. The ass goiter has always bothered me, personally. CNN agrees: Paris Hilton is un-appealing.

Paris Hilton won’t appeal the 45-day jail term she was sentenced to earlier this month for violating probation, according to court documents filed Thursday.

A lawyer for the 26-year-old socialite notified Los Angeles Count Superior Court that she is abandoning her appeal, said court spokeswoman Katherine Roberts.

Hilton was ordered earlier this month to report to jail by June 5 for violating the terms of her probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case.

Hilton initially called the sentence unfair, and lawyers representing her filed a notice to appeal the sentence.

She then switched attorneys and is now represented by drunken driving specialist Richard Hutton. Hutton did not immediately return several calls for comment Thursday.

Hilton will be jailed for about 23 days of a 45-day sentence and will be separated from the general inmate population, authorities decided after reviewing her case.

The shorter sentence reflects an expectation that Hilton behaves behind bars.

Oh, how little they know of her reputation!

She will be held in a “special needs housing unit” at the Century Regional Detention Center in suburban Lynwood, Whitmore said.

And, presumably, she will be chauffeured there on a shortbus.

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

contest: name that fad!

Bling Bling Ouch!

How to intro this…well, first of all you should know that the prize here is nothing less than immortal glory and the adoring praise of millions. There shall be none other like you on Earth; you will be unique among all peoples:

the one, the only, winner of the FADenclature contest on the ol’ raincoaster blog!

Seriously, how cool is that?

Which is all just a fancy way of saying No, there’s no money in it.

Something along the lines of the Tentacle Pornstar Name Challenge, this is a contest to develop the most amusing name for the soon-to-leave-the-pages-of-Snopes-forever (as soon as Lohan gets ahold of the idea anyway) concept of adorning one’s nether regions with what is known in the yoof community as “bling” and flashing said bling in the presence of witnesses if not actually paparazzi. Where can Paris, Lindsay et al go from here anyway? They’ve got to ramp it up somehow!

See here for background. Suggestions in the comments section. You’re up against some tough competition here; those Gawkerites can be lightning fast with the wisecracks, so bring your best game.

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

dick will make you slap somebody

And we’re not talking Cheney.

This is public access tv host Alexyss K. Tylor discussing vagina power and penis addiction with her mother.

Seriously, would YOU talk to your mother like that? If I did, my mother would take notes!

Uh, this is really, really NSFW. Duh.

Lessons learned in this episode:
(Read AFTER you watch the video!)

– If the man ain’t comin’, he gonna be goin’ somewhere else, puttin’ his penis in someone else.

– A lot of women will laugh and talk about a man if his penis is small.

– Just because a man is in love with your vagina doesn’t mean he’s in love with you.

– A lot of us get caught up on the dick.

– Dick will make you slap somebody.

– The penis is a heat-seeking missile, like a rocket. Information is encoded in it making it do what it do.

– Men launch their penis up in the vaginal canal. As a woman relaxes and breathes and sits on that penis and rock and move and rotate and find her rhythm and go up and down and back and forth and around in a circle, she starts getting her groove back.

– When the parts of penis hit them vagina walls, harmonizing and making them sing, a woman feels like she’s in church jumping and shouting.

– Dick’ll make you lose control.

Well, he will if you ask him nicely. And then you can slap him; he likes it that way.

But seriously, what kinda church does this woman go to? I think I saw an Emmanuelle movie like that once…

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

This England??? For all those who love England’s green-faced, unpleasant, bland…

 Kate Moss...it was so long agoIt seems so long ago that legendary beauties Kate Moss and Sophie Dahl were discovered in England; things are apparently very different now.

Ladies and gentlemen, stop what you’re doing. While we have all been going mindlessly about our daily business, perhaps dropping a dime into a beggar’s cap, writing a cheque for Darfur, protesting the Iraq invasion, or tithing to Greenpeace, a silent crisis has been brewing in the United Kingdom.

Your dollars, your rubles, your rupiahs: they will not solve this terrible problem. Indeed, they seem to have pounds galore, more than they know how to spend properly: this commodity is more precious. Money cannot solve this. There is only one thing that can.

Beaver.

Gentle readers, click upon the link I shall give you, and as you do so, realize that in the land that gave the world the Spice Girls, this is what currently rents for £640 an hour. Keep the eyewash handy, people.

Book your flights now: do your part for England. Or at least, share your parts with England.

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

beaver shots: hairy robot beaver!

As you all know, we at the ol’ raincoaster blog pride ourselves on service journalism, particularly along the beaver lines, and this should service you right up. This incredible furry cyborg beaver is so hot it would make anyone feel inadequate. I mean, check it out:

Specs:
Intel Core 2 Duo processor – T7200 2.00 GHz 667 4MB 1.0375–1.3V
160G Hard drive – laptop drive
1G RAM – NBM 1G|PATRIOT DII667 PSD21G6672S R
Motherboard: AOpen Mini ITX A-I945GTT-VFA (RoHS) with external power supply
Panasonic UJ-85J 8X Slim DVD Burner
Tornado 80mm fan – ACCES FAN|80X38 3/4PTD8038H VTTD RT

She said “laptop.” Heh, heh. “External power supply” eh? Yeah, that’s probably just a coded expression for “secretly fucking the boss.” Like, if she talked him into buying Microsoft products.

Oh hey, I think we may have figured out who the manufacturer is. Like I said, this thing is intimidating! It would make anybody go micr…well, never mind.

Pictures and a 40-pic slideshow of the naked computerized beaver over the jump. Brace yourself; it’s hairy! Thanks to judyb12 for passing along this little gem.

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

Continue reading