Take a hilarious trip through the Wayback Machine (I wanted one of those right up until I had a past that could catch up to me). They’ve pored over the crumbling scrolls of the Internet archives and put together a roundup of the best, and the worst, of 1996.
Suggested soundtrack: Grosse Point Blank soundtrack. Suggested accompaniments: pot, beer, and Doritos.
Suggested activity: removing all animated gifs from your website immediately. Follow up by purchasing and installing a horribly complicated graphics program that you use to redesign your site, but which will immediately date everything it touches site to within four months.
NOT suggested activity: not updating the site again until they do another of these.
There is very little I can say to rebuke this website. This is the best website I’ve ever seen. I navigated further into the world of Lego.com ’96 and on every single page I was greeted by pirates waving swords, knights riding horses, and overarchingly wizards on bicycles. This page alone has three wizards on bicycles lined up in a very majestic fashion, with an additional bonus wizard on a bicycle in the upper-right corner. In 1996, while most companies were still figuring out how to properly scan their company logo so that it didn’t look like a joke, Lego had discovered the key to web design, which is that randomly strewing little Lego men around one’s website is hilarious and engaging. If you feel like you need to cleanse your palette after seeing all the other websites featured in this article, please enjoy the following line of Lego men:
From Left to Right: Wizard on Bicycle, Wizard on Bicycle,
Wizard on Bicycle, Wizard on Bicycle, Wizard on Bicycle
Jeez, I go offline for a lousy four or five days and everybody gets a flamewar except me! Even Boris. Pooey. Phooey, even, and I mean that.
Why don’t I get cool hatemail like the Pastafarians? This one even has several people using the same name to fight one another, like someone with MPD with self-hatred issues. Far more interesting than anything on daytime tv, and yep, the lawyer references flew thick and fast.
Them Christians! They always got a lawyer handy. Mind you, if I wrote comments like that to imaginary beings, I would probably see the wisdom in having someone on retainer, too, if only a psychiatrist.
I do believe you are
I do believe you are a fucking retard and I hope you burn in hell. Fuck you and the flying spaghetti monster. Postmodernism is a self defeating concept. Read Josh McDowell’s book for a good overview of what life is truly about you dumbass humanist. You obviously think life is just a big damn joke. Its all for humor and entertainment. I look forward to the day it fucks you right in the ass. Oh the age of the earth doesn’t fucking matter! Technology, hell we’d be better of without it anyways. God is not a flying spaghetti monster because only a human could think up such a dumbass retarded idea like that. Intelligent Design is observable. It does not require faith, it requires the ability to understand what irreducible complexity is along with several other phenomena that has been discovered in Science. Evolution is a conjecture. Of course, an idiot of your brain size would probably believe we came from monkeys…and quite frankly, you are probably the best evidence that Evolutionists have that human beings came from a monkey. I’m still having problems teaching my dog 2+2=4. I hope to someday prove Darwinian philosophy and be able to have my dog recite Shakespeare to me. Then I will believe Evolution is true. Until then….its all a big damn joke. Charles Darwin went insane when he was 28 anyways (didn’t know that did you?) Let me put it this way to you concerning your bologna flying spaghetti monster. If we are created in the image of what you believe God to be, we would look like spaghetti. Common sense is a valuable asset. Lets try this…I’m going to go very sloooooowly for you Bobby. Retarded people…like Bobby Henderson….will burn in hell unless you give your life to Jesus Christ. Life is not hard. Neither is it a joke. But I believe that anybody with a brain the size of a peanut should be exposed for the fraud that the person is. Quite frankly, I do not know why I’m wasting my time…because you are probably too stupid to read this e-mail anyways. At any rate, I have better things to do than point out your circular reasoning within your arguments. You are a disgrace to anything that humanity or your stupid existentialistic philosophy represents.
Casey Powell
*update*
Unless you want to be sued, take my name off of that message. Thanks.
Casey Powell
*update 2*
Just take the whole message off of the board! I gave you no permission to
post that. I want it off, or I will contact my lawyer. And that is not a
joke.
Casey Powell
*note from Bobby * – I’m not going to take your name off the message. However, I will henceforth refer to you as either C. Powell or Casey P. so that you remain anonymous. Additionally, I’ll include your email address here, in case anyone needs to get in touch with you. *
So why am I posting that, legal threats and email and all? Because I want to siphon off some of this red-hot lava and reap the toasty, litigious benefits for Operation Global Media Domination on the ol’ raincoaster blog, that’s why.
Nobody’s threatened me in days! True, I did get mentioned in connection to a Plagiarist of the Year contest, but it was more in reference to me being ripped off than me ripping anyone off: I’m not eligible to win anything except smug satisfaction, and as everyone knows, I already have plenty of that.
A refresher, for anyone who is unacquainted with Pastafarianism and the Flying Spaghetti Monster and is unable to access Wikipedia because he or she is living in, say, Riyadh or, no, that won’t work, a world of his own imagination (yeah, that’ll work; that or his parents’ basement and he doesn’t want them to catch him online past his bedtime), Pastafarianism is the religion founded by a man who noticed that Creationists were using the law to force “equal time” teaching of their theory. He decided, with a self-reliance which would warm the cockles of L.Ron’s heart, if he weren’t dead, that he’d create a cockamamie religious theory and force that into the courts as well, perhaps (in)advertently showing the arbitrary and illogical nature of the Creationists‘ argument for equal time in the first place.
Province moves to evict 13 more low-income peopleVancouver –Vancouver Coastal Health has issued an order to tenants of the Powell Rooms lodging house at 556 Powell Street stating that the building would be closed today, Wednesday, July 26, 2006 at 5:00 p.m due to health reasons. Coastal Health has made no provision for relocating the 13 people that live at the Powell Rooms, including one terminally ill individual.The order, issued a week ago by Dr. F.J. Blatherwick of Vancouver Coastal Health, lists four reasons for the hotel closure: (1) lack of hot water, (2) pest infestations, (3) non-functioning washrooms and (4) garbage accumulating in a City of Vancouver lane.David Eby, a lawyer with Pivot Legal Society, learned of the order on Monday and visited the lodging house on Tuesday with a team of volunteer trades-people and community members. The repairs to the hot water tank were completed within minutes, and all the toilets were found to be in working order. A removal service has been contracted to remove garbage from the back lane. No evidence was found of mice, cockroaches or bedbugs, although a pest control service has also been engaged to conduct a full inspection.
“Its fairly shocking that the Coastal Health Authority, responsible for ensuring the health and well-being of the community, would rather force people onto the street than ensure some very basic repairs are done,” said Eby. “It would have been a simple matter for Dr. Blatherwick to order the steps we’ve taken today to be done, and any health hazards be cleaned up.”
The City of Vancouver also has the power under City bylaws to order repairs and maintenance to Downtown Eastside lodging houses and hotels. However, although the Powell Rooms building was inspected regularly by the City, there have been no City Standards of Maintenance Orders for the lodging house since November of 2001.
“It boils down to community volunteers doing the job of Coastal Health and the City because, for some reason, they would rather close hotels than ensure that they are livable,” said Eby. “If the government won’t do its job and protect low-income people from losing their homes, what will happen to the Olympic commitment to prevent homelessness?”
The pending closure of the Powell Rooms (25 units) and the ongoing closure of the Lucky Lodge (48 units total) by the City and the Province follows the dramatic closures of the Burns Block hotel (18 units) and the Pender Hotel (36 units) in March, 2006. These rooms, together with rooms lost due to rent increases brings the total of low-income units lost or under imminent threat to 375 for the first seven months of 2006.
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Further Comment: David Eby (778) 865-7997 – Pivot Legal Society
Dr. F.J. Blatherwick (604)675-3804 – Vancouver Coastal Health
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The 2010 Inner-City Inclusivity Commitment to protect low-income housing and ensure that people are not made homeless was part of the Vancouver Bid Book, the formal application to host the Olympic Games.
To read the Inclusivity Commitment Statement, click here
About Pivot Legal Society Pivot’s mandate is to take a strategic approach to social change, using the law to address the root causes that undermine the quality of life of those most on the margins. We believe that everyone, regardless of income, benefits from a healthy and inclusive community where values such opportunity, respect and equality are strongly rooted in the law.
Remember all those dopey hippie sayings like, “If war is the answer, what was the question” and “Make love, not war” and “what if they gave a war and nobody came?” Well those hippies are all growed up now and, thanks to the changes in draft eligibility, possibly on their way to Afghanistan or Iraq right now.
Critical ammunitions shortages have made the US uncharacteristically cautious about spending their precious ordnance, so we at the raincoaster blog have a suggestion. A radical suggestion. One which integrates the hippie Free Love aesthetic with the Imperialist invasive one. One which could change the very nature of war.
We suggest the deployment and use of the tampon gun.
Tampon gun
TamponCrafts has published a HOWTO for building a paintball-style gun for firing tampons:
Inspired by marshmallow shooters, this air-powered tampon gun turns your feminine hygiene products into high-flying projectiles. Have a shootout between rival tampon brands, or use it as a fun alternative to paintball. The tampon shooter has a range of 10 to 20 feet depending on your ammo and lung capacity. The matching bandolier lets you carry a full “clip” (i.e., box) of 20 tampons, so you’ll never be caught short in the heat of battle.
I defy any army to be able to continue fighting under a barrage of fluffy, white tampons. Although, given the dioxin component in the bleach used, it could well violate chemical weapons sanctions. Something to think about…
Looking for the story of the recent NYC beatdown? Go here.
It’s true: Borat, the Andrew Dice Clay of Khazakstan, has gotten the smackdown from the clueless, sharpie-wielding village idiots in NYC. Guess they ran outta pitchforks.
From Thighs Wide Shut, via Gawker. And if you’re thinking “Gee, she musta only had time to go to one website today” you’d be right. There’s a Guide to Muslim Humour on WordPress somewhere, but I’ll hafta find it for you tomorrow. L8r!
Jeez, I go offline for a lousy four or five days and everybody gets a flamewar except me! Even 
Remember all those dopey hippie sayings like, “If war is the answer, what was the question” and “Make love, not war” and “what if they gave a war and nobody came?” Well those hippies are all growed up now and, thanks to the changes in draft eligibility, possibly on their way to Afghanistan or Iraq right now.
raincoaster 