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Category Archives: Books
quiz: which book of the Chronicles of Narnia are you?
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You scored as The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. You are The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. This is the first book C.S. Lewis wrote in the Narnia series, and the most popular. They have a movie out in theaters, though they should have started with the first book in the series, The Magician’s Nephew.
Which of C.S. Lewis’s Narnia Books Are You? |
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Hogwarts hints!
We don’t know who wrote this, but I stole it from Dr. Mike: here are 50 things not to do at Hogwarts. Or rather, here are just the ones I like the very most bestest:
50 Things NOT to do at Hogwarts
1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are “covered in bees”.
2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
4. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge.
5. I am not allowed to attempt to breed a liger.
6. I will not go to class skyclad.
7.The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. [ed. note: Goddammit! Now I need to line up another date!]
10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not.
11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
14. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.
17. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”.
21. It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin that “Once you go Black, you never go back.”
24. I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as “Kitchen Stadium”.
28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.
37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.
38. I am not a Pinball Wizard.
47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
48. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new, pussycat?”
Go read the rest!
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MC Nuts vs the Shat: rapping the classics, old skool
I love that the YouTube post for the following says, with a boundless and entirely irrational optimism, “See http://www.utalkmarketing.com for more like this,” almost as if you’d want to. The shrivelled and crusty cockles of one’s heart are bewarméd at their boyish enthusiasm and entirely unjustifiable pride in product. You GO, girlfriends!
How not to rap the classics: with a cheap squirrel costume, rancid moves, a transparent mercenaric desperation to appeal to “yoof,” and an intrusive fake “street” accent, eg the Lake Country‘s tourism campaign’s would-be-viral video of Wordsworth‘s great Romantic poem, “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud“.
Contagious? Like ebola, baby! This thing has infected hard drives all over the world and, in fact, any laptop laid on a table that’s had an electronic device that has played this within the last thirty days is 80% likely to have its circuits liquified, spewing silicon in horrific gushes from every oriface.
Now, watch how it should be done, by that master of subtlety, The Shat!
Honestly, when William. Fucking. Shatner. pulls this off better than you, it’s time to turn in your Norton Anthology.
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Kurt Vonnegut has the first and last words
“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.”
The late Kurt Vonnegut quoted by ellagood @ Gawker.
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raincoaster 