Operation Global Media Domination: BoingBoingSplat

the crew of the good ship BoingBoing 

I finally get my link. After what, a year of praying and sitting through interminable load times (honestly, the website is mostly space; what could take it so damn long to load? Is it all the felt clogging the tubes of the internets?) and interminable billions of posts about Disney’s bloody Haunted Mansion and godawful felt crafts of the neo-repulsive school, I finally got a link on BoingBoing.

Sing Hallelulia! Let all creation sing,
That raincoaster from obscurity has risen,
Glory to the Boing!
Sound jubilation! Let every bell ring clear,
And joyous peals proclaim the message,
Our pwnage of Technorati is here.

Or not: One hit.

Ou sont les A-List Coattails d’antan?

Perhaps panda poo paper just isn’t popular? I even had to replace all the images because this was during the great Photobucket bandwidth blankout of 2007, not that we’re complaining. That would be so unlike us.

Oh, very well; the detail-oriented and sharp of memory among you will recall that we made it once before. All I can say to that is that the halflife of celebrity is clearly short online. In that case, I submitted the story and so my link was on there from the get-go, even if it wasn’t the go-to link. In this case, I submitted an addendum to a several-hours-old post, from which I conclude that BoingBoing readers read it pretty much in realtime, so if you want the glory and the kingdom, for ever and ever, or even for long enough for Technorati to pick up the link, you need to be the submitter of the link in the first place.

Timeliness: just what has been so difficult around these parts lately. I have learned, over the past two weeks of having a roommate, that I am willing to share space. I am willing to share food. I am willing to share even toothbrushes, okay, no, but almost. Point is: I’m fine with sharing most things. But sharing the internet connection, as in he has it some of the time and I have it some of the time?

No.

When you pair that with the fact that he’s an internationally known raw food chef whom I have allowed for the sake of experiment to put me on a special green smoothie juice fast just to see if there’s really anything in this chlorophyll hokum, and that green smoothie fasts apparently make me homicidally enraged from the moment I awake to the moment I lose consciousness, raining curses down upon the heads of my enemies as I drift off to sleep, and furthermore that I am PMSing at the moment, you’ll see that something had to give, and that it sure as hell wasn’t going to be me. Sic transit gorilla mozilla.

Cthulhu Tract

So the router he got seems to work well. We’ve even got our first pirate leeching off the signal, but as long as I can blog, I care not. Share the wireless luv! Information wants to be free!

Also, so do gastrointestinal systems. If I had any cash I’d hit the brunch buffet at Griffin’s like it’s never been hit before! As it is, I intend to scramble eggs with gorgonzola cheese and wash it down with a latte, then follow that up with pan fries. WITH ketchup and Tabasco. Sic transit gloria chorophyll.

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the Right Honourable Dr Gordon Brown MP, Chancellor of the Exchequer, picks his nose and eats it

That’s basically it. Gordon Brown, Chancellor (=Finance Minister), sits on-camera behind Tony Blair on the day he is to present his new budget and slowly and methodically picks his nose and eats it, over a period of two excruciatingly long minutes. Quite frankly, I couldn’t make it all the way to the end; I thought he was going to break through to his brain case any second. Maybe he thinks it comes under “recycling” and is a new green initiative?

Hat tip to Guido, who put the creative choice of soundtrack to it and who’s been up to much interesting stuff while I’ve been quietly starving from lack of Internet and fattening foods.

Note to self: juice fasts make me homicidally enraged. Remember to fast before confronting enemies; also, can hide the bodies in my now-baggy clothes.

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MC Rove

This video is the most definitive exhibition of white boy cool in the history of white boys. Come on, admit it you demented Republican rednecks:

Karl Rove looks about as cool as an undermedicated and spastic special education lifer performing in the inpatient pageant.

Also, this has inspired some marvelous comments on YouTube, such as the below, to which we can add nothing.

toddlerh (1 hour ago)

Karl Rove is simply adorable. I hope he’s this funny at his war-crimes tribunal and in federal prison.

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Harry Potter coverup

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and the busy cover art 

Just to prime the pump (and possibly to silence legions of annoying, yammering, l33tspkg fans) Bloomsbury has released the cover designs for the last book in JK Rowling‘s series: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Bloomsbury Publishing Plc is delighted to release the book jacket images for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K.Rowling, to be published on 21st July 2007. The cover illustration for the children’s edition is by Jason Cockcroft, who drew the cover illustrations for the previous two Harry Potter books… The cover design for the adult edition is from a photograph by Michael Wildsmith, who has photographed all the adult edition jackets…These covers will be used throughout the world on the English language editions excluding the USA. Scholastic US have also released their cover images of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

and look, here it is:

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows US

Better than the British one (you have to view the full wraparound version on their crappy Flash page), if more individualistic. What does that say about the relative values of each nation? That Daniel Radcliffe has a better US agent than Rupert Grint and Emma Watson, that’s what.

Actually, the best one is the British adult version(warning: is pig-dog to load and has a tendency to crash my computer. Funny, you’d think Slytherin would be raincoaster-positive), with Slytherin‘s locket. Although who would have imagined that Slytherin would be caught dead wearing anything as femme-y as a locket?

Also, why are publishers so enamoured of Flash? These pages are a bitch to load, and that cutsie owl hooting that Scholastic features during the load just about makes me want to go out and strangle the next owl I see.

Or publisher.

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an hypothesis

An radical hypothesis, in fact.

from the Archive.

Monday, May 02, 2005

It’s a possiblility, that’s all I’m saying. No proof either way, but still, a nagging doubt continues…

What if JD Salinger and Thomas Pynchon were the same person?

Hey, not so fast! Hear me out.

Did anyone ever see the two of them in a room together? Are there any vacation photos of them side-by-side, up to their knees in wholesome Cheasapeake Bay? I don’t think so!

Physical description: an aging man, tall, with big ears. Possibly badly dressed. Hey thanks, that describes everyone up to and including George Herbert Walker Bush, but I don’t think he wrote Gravity’s Rainbow.

Come to think of it, has anyone seen Francis Bacon in a room with…

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