Category Archives: Celebrity

Operation Global Media Domination: the Banksy Situation

Posted on by

For as long as I can remember (which, at my age, admittedly isn’t very long, perhaps twenty minutes at a time and then I need to take my rememberer out and let it cool down for awhile) on this blog the #1 post in terms of hits, year after year, has been Britney Spears Sex Tape, which, once I realized wasn’t Britney in it at all but rather someone else who looked like Honeymoon Britney (which many people would watch happily, I’m sure, over and over, the way they close their eyes and think of The Country or The Postman or The Hot Guy In Marketing Who Wears Those European Suits) I edited the title of to read Britney Spears (?) Sex Tape but it made no difference: they still kept coming.

So to speak.

Which reminds me of the ad I saw yesterday at the Skytrain station; the first ad for an “adult recreation” product I’ve seen in a mainstream location. It was for something called Stallion, and it was unspecific to the point of complete opacity. Basically, it just said “Men, buy this stuff right now.” That’s how I figured out it was dirty.

For I am way clever, yo.

But as I was standing there, running over all the stallion references in my head (alas, I’m not in top form when I’m on Concact-C, for the only thing I could think of was Bill and Ted’s band Wyld Stallyns) I saw some fine print at the bottom of the ad, and if there’s one thing I love, it’s fine print on adult product ads. No, really.

“Product contains Lidocaine.”

Topical anaesthetic. It’s the stuff I spray on my legs before waxing, to deaden the pain.

Whoa!

But (and not to make an abrupt transition, but whatever) now we at the ol’ raincoaster blog have encountered a phenomenon more powerful than a sloppy ersatz-Britney blowjob.

Behold the power of Banksy in Birmingham:

Banksy stats, baby!

Banksy stats, baby!

And yes, that baseline is 2,000, not zero.

Little Gordon Ramsay

Posted on by

Awwwww, isn’t Little Gordon here adorable? A chip off the old blockhead! If Cthulhu and I ever had a love/hatefuck child, he’d turn out just like this, I’m sure.

You can watch all three videos over at TeenyManolo, yo.

The only video of the American Presidential race you’ll ever need to see

Posted on by

Truman Capote, who knew a thing or two about the subject, once said of Marilyn Monroe that those who choose to become blonde are blonder than those who are simply born that way. Watch this video of ex-Hebridean and new American Craig Ferguson and ask if a similar principle does not apply to those who choose to become Americans:

LOVE the comment about families; I’ve been saying the same damn thing myself for decades!

The Atene Button goes dark

Posted on by

Sigh.

Oh, it’s not like it hasn’t happened before. And it’s not like I didn’t expect it to happen again. Actors are … actorish, and this is what they do. They’re like cats on the doorstep…I want in…I want out…I want in…but unlike cats, you can’t exactly stick your foot under their butts and decide it for them. For one thing, most of them are bigger than you, if you happen to be me. For another, the whole virtual butt-kicking thing works much better in fetish DVDs than in motivational emails.

So I’ve heard.

But fame or no fame, actor or no actor, I’ve been down this pixel trail a time or two (dozen) before, and frankly, you can’t push people. They come or they go, and it can mean a great deal to the “audience” or it can mean nothing at all, but that makes no difference whatsoever to whether or not the person returns for the long term. I’ve seen people come back for twelve hours. I’ve seen people come back for just long enough to register a digital avatar trail and say “see, I went.” I’ve seen Brian Atene come and go and come back and go again over the course of a couple of years. But it’s the same process and we are just exactly as impotent.

I could email. I have his email. But I don’t for a second believe he’s playing coy: I think the man is honestly backing off, and that nothing is creepier than opening your email to see a mass of zombie grab-hands springing out from it, trying to draw you back. I’ll leave him be. If he returns, he returns; if he doesn’t, I hope he’s making shitloads of money and eventually sends me that autograph he owes me, which, no, I don’t think I’ll ever see. I’m like that myself, you see, and the list of things I owe to people I’ve never seen in the flesh is longer than I am tall. Even if I were, like, tall.

And if you think this is just about Brian Atene, you haven’t been paying attention at all.

Operation Global Media Domination: The Steve Jobs and Longhorse Situation

Posted on by

First of all: Steve Jobs is not dead.

Second: Bloomberg posted, then pulled, his obituary today, Gawker picked up on it, posted about it, and into the comments thread on that post I dropped a link to my over Steve Jobs’s dead body post, which has subsequently rocketed to the top of the stats page off of that third-hand high. This has, in turn, lifted the Steve Jobs=Cthulhu post to near the top of the Top Posts, as Steve Jobs surfers see the name in the sidebar and click. And a fine post it is, too (36 painstakingly collected links if I recall correctly)

Third: for no reason I can determine, the Longhorse post is suddenly getting a lot of attention, which suits me perfectly, as I consider it one of my best. And you will, too, once you’ve read it.