Surf the Net like a pro!

marriedtothesea.com

Oh come on, man. Get a grip on yourself.

That also (for no particular reason) reminds me of this post:
Everything That’s Wrong With Pop Culture in Two Photos

Yep, that’s about the whole of it. There’s a metaphor in there somewhere. Maybe this one?

there's a metaphor in here somewhere

But it’s fine. Really.

I'm from the internet

Sadly, ultimately I do not think this will end well. It never does. Remember that blythe surfer at the start?

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Andrew Koenig Update

I posted about the finding of Andrew Koenig’s body over on True/Slant. Have you seen the press conference with his parents? Tragic. His father is completely broken up over it, but he and his wife still found the time and the strength to counsel others who have depressed relatives.

His parents

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Police Statement and Parents’ Address to Others

Vodpod videos no longer available.

And here’s an online depression screening from the Mayo Clinic that Pete Quily passed along.

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Are You Stupid? Sven Kramer Pwns NBC

Sven Kramer hangs loose

This. Is. Awesome.

Ladies and gentlemen, seek no further; we have our defining moment for the Vancouver 2010 Olympic Games:

For those of you too lazy to click the link, it’s hunky Dutch speedskater Sven Kramer coming off a gold-medal-winning performance to be greeted by an NBC reporter getting up in his grill and asking him the routine talking head questions like “where are you from” and “do you think you did well” and so on.

And he looks her in the eye and responds “Are you stupid?

UPDATED because VANOC took down the first one, and this one is even longer, including her “how do you feel” and his “Ha, I feel pretty goooooood!”

Sven Kramer sez I've got the bread, baby, if you've got the buttah

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Olympic Torch Ride-Along Live (well, undead) Blog

Olympic Torchbearer

I’m being tremendously lazy today because I spent far too much time trying to get iTunes to do what I want it to do, which is move certain songs off my CD drive onto my iPhone without erasing every song on my iPhone right now or forcing me to upload to the iPhone all the goddam ABBA and crap that’s on the hard drive, but Nooooooooooooo, Steve won’t have it.

Seriously, you KNOW you’ve put your stamp on a company when even their smallest products reproduce your pathologies in perfect detail.

Anyhoooooooo… Today, thanks to Sam Macmillan at 6S and Michael Allison at the Wilcox Group, I got to ride in the convoy of the Olympic Torch today, although I did not actually see the flame, which is neither here nor there but somewhere else, which is where it would be if it was, isn’t it?

Now, perhaps we need a little background…

I live on the Downtown Eastside, and the Olympics have, for literally the past 2 years, been a huge political shitstorm of Katrina-esque proportions. That the Olympics would take place regardless of how popular the No Olympics movement became was clear from the beginning and if there’s one thing my time working at Greenpeace taught me, it’s that by participating in useless protests that will never result in change, people bleed off their urge to act and, thus, prevent themselves from changing the world.

And I have a problem with that.

So, surrounded as I have been for the past 24 months by nonstop political sloganeering from all sides of the issue, essentially all of the mindshare I’ve given the Olympics has been equal-opportunity pushback, as in “WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE? AND YOU! THERE! SUCK IT UP, THE OLYMPICS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN WHETHER YOU WHINE ABOUT IT IN PUBLIC OR NOT! AND YOU! THERE! MY WHOLE GODDAM COUNTRY IS A FREE SPEECH ZONE SO SUCK IT YOU’RE NOT IN BEIJING ANYMORE!” and equally pointed words to those effects.

Although it was cool when my boy Bono said “No Olympics on Stolen Land” in the concert to which I didn’t buy a ticket to because I assumed, wrongly, that they’d be too expensive. Which they were not, and serves me right for not investigating, but oh well, such is the cost of pessimism.

So, as I remarked over at Trueslant, my ability to get past the politicking to connect emotionally with the actual sports and internationalism has been crippled (yes, deliberate word choice, suck it). Then again, apathy is a national characteristic, so maybe I’m just being a Good Canadian.

So, it was both nice and remarkable that, given all that backstory, Michael and Sam decided to pick me as one of the 2 bloggers to get a ride-along today (the other was the (in)famous John Chow) but they did (boy, I sure snookered them, didn’t I, and now I’m gonna hear from all the “billiards” PC-ists, aren’t I oh yes I am).

So, behold the live-tweeted timeline of a conversion. I’m really, truly grateful to them for inviting me along, because not even a cynic like me can resist seeing, say, 10,000 people in a single block in Deep Cove, all dressed in red and white and cheering their semifrozen faces off and freakin’ cowbelling like their lives depended on it.

Cherry Blossoms on the DTES

Stuck in traffic behind #Olympic torch on The Reservation in North Van can’t see a darn thing

@JohnChow we will see you soon. Why didn’t they pick speedy runners? Even I can run this fast!

Olympic Torch Traffic Dollarton Highway North Vancouver

Pretty thrilling, no? #Olympic #van2010 http://twitpic.com/12fbe0

@lussobaby yes the cherryblossoms behind Firehall Theatre are always the first in the city

Well @michaelallison says he can see the flame! Good eyes http://twitpic.com/12fd4n

Listening to thestory of how the #Olympic caravan saved a disabled driver who went off the road in Renfrew Ont thx to OnStar

RT @VANobserver RT @MargaretAtwood: Striking a blow for free speech: Vancouver Poet Laureate Brad Cran http://tinyurl.com/yek2qag Yikes!

Coca Cola is the longest running #Olympic sponsor

Convoy vehicles are called Happy1 Happy2 Loonie and Toonie. How Canadian is that? Kids are all cheering the Coke trucks looking 4 freebies!

2techs and 5 detailers 110 vehicles altogether, over half are GM #Olympic #van2010

We are rolling with the #Olympic #van2010 torch

Um we just passed the torch. Are we supposed to do that? http://twitpic.com/12fl1g

Olympic Torch Crowd in Dollarton, North Vancouver

http://twitpic.com/12fl95

Ha @johnchow is driving the crowd wild yelling “you’re on YouTube!” #Olympic #van2010

In Dollarton abt 5 minutes ahead of the #Olympic #van2010 torch. Now I know how U2‘s warmup act feels

[seriously, it’s like we know you’re wondering who the hell we are, but YAY, huh?]

Cowbell! #Olympic #van2010

Apparently schools go wild and so do some malls when they see the #Olympic #van2010 torch but Dollarton is too dignified

In Saskatchewan some ppl wheeled their granny out to see the #Olympic #van2010 torch and sstuck her right in the middle of the tracks!

3schools ina row coming up

I’m finally learning how this whole RELAY thing works #Olympic #van2010

Awesome job the announcers have whipping up the crowd for 110 straight days. WOO! Cowbell #Olympic #van2010 #olympics

@OkanaganWriting I’m riding with one of the GM guys and he says half [of the vehicles are GM]

Somebody is ringing the churchbell and someone else is waving a Molsons box! #Olympic #van2010 #olympics http://twitpic.com/12fokt [missed the picture, sadly; t’was funny]

@busybeeblogger It IS fun, I’m really glad I got the chance

@jeremylim you can ask I guess. They picked me out of thinair as far as I know [in reply to the obvious “how do I get in on that ridealong action question]

@WoundedCrane are they fancy? [she said she wanted Swiss cowbells for her dogs; I thought maybe Swiss House had special commemorative cowbells, or at least commemorative cows]

Olympic Torchbearer Deep Cove

Torchbearer http://twitpic.com/12fpeu

Cheers #van2010 #olympics #olympics http://moby.to/rqf86o

More cheers and now Journey on the stereo. Hair bands ftw http://moby.to/3j7ce5

Holycrap people actually singing along. That never happens in Canada #van2010 #olympics http://twitpic.com/12fqiw

Deep Cove on Olympic Torch Route

[another sunny day in Deep Cove]

Deep Cove #van2010 #olympics http://twitpic.com/12fqtx

The royal bank was giving out noisemakers and boy howdy are ppl using them. But I do think cowbells win #van2010 (cont) http://tl.gd/87jop

Deep Cove Crowd on Olympic Torch Route

http://twitpic.com/12frmk

Cowichan Sweater

Somebody just yelled Nice Coat at me. Real Cowichan FTW! #van2010 #olympics http://twitpic.com/12fs8t

@yurechko I’m with @michaelallison and @johnchow

@WoundedCrane deep cove [in response to “where are you that it’s raining?]

@jeremylim thanks you will get there [in response to “Nonsense. You’re highly prolific and very much loved. Wish I were the same so I could get in that van!”]

John chow says 300m is one Vegas block and I say 2 furlongs we all have diff frames of reference #van2010 #olympics

@WilcoxPR thx 4 the rt. 10,000 ppl in deep cove on just 2 blocks [the PR agency behind the ride-along starts contributing to the convo]

Explaining the Raven pub to my carmates for #van2010 [specifically, their Stupid Hot Wings. Story goes; they have 5 levels of heat, and if you can eat the Stupid Hot Wings plate, your whole meal is free. Nobody’s ever won. Waitress says “why do you think they’re called STUPID hot?]

raincoaster Art and John Chow from the Olympic Torch Ride Along

RT GM_ArtAndSerge @raincoaster and @johnchow with Art! http://tweetphoto.com/10968091

@WilcoxPR loved it, thanks 4 making the ridealong happen. Now I’m off to blog it

RT vanmediacoop upcoming – VIVO media arts “evening news” events to discuss Olympics, convergence, media & movements http://bit.ly/a2yrHt #report2010

Olympic Torch Coke Bottles

I have NO collector’s sensibility. #Olympic swag commemorative aluminum Caffeinated Swag cracked. I’m thirsty! http://tweetphoto.com/10980949

Eh Voila!

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She Scores!

Not only is she PRETTY sure she saw Colin Freaking Firth down in Gastown today, but she got all her paid blogging done by 10am, she got invited on a Bobwheeling ride-along, AND she picked up all of the following for a grand total of less than $30:

  • DVD of Frankenstein’s Daughter starring Donald Murphy, Felix Locher, and Sandra Knight
  • DVD of The Bat starring Vincent Price and Agnes Moorehead who was the aunt of a friend of hers when she was little in Winnipeg
  • DVD of CARNIVAL OF FREAKIN’ SOULS, PEOPLE! Yes, let me repeat that, CARNIVAL OF SOULS, also known as Corridors of Evil.
  • DVD of The House on Haunted Hill starring, again, Vincent Price. I understand the actual house has been torn down, which is a bloody shame and just goes to show you LA has no sense of history.
  • DVD of The Ice Harvest, which I only bought because I’m a sucker for a John Cusack movie. Well, because I’m a sucker for a John Cusack movie and a caper film. Well, because I’m a sucker for a John Cusack movie and a caper film and a dark, twisted comedy.
  • When the hell did I switch to the first person, anyway? Being up in the daytime has COMPLETELY discombobulated me.
  • A lovely pink lacy cardigan that covers mah butt.
  • A lovely ombre baby blue cardigan that, again, covers mah butt.

UPDATE: I forgot to mention the beautiful blue/grey houndstooth hipster sombrero and the $80 wrestling boots I picked up at the DemiCouture sale at W2 on Sunday. But I DID! The wrestling boots are black Reeboks, which will wear out in no time but are cushy as the road to Hell in the meantime, and being black ankle boots make me feel like Batgirl every time I put them on. And the two of them together cost me $15. YES, you SHOULD hire me to do your shopping. 10% of gross and I’m yours.

And as I was rooting through the rather random assortment of DVDs there and passing up some awesome films like A History of Violence because it was $9.99 instead of $1.99 like the others and it’s Cronenberg and how many times can you watch that, really, even if you ARE a Viggofan? one of the Army Navy staffers walked by, uttered a squawk, and grabbed the Mamma Mia which I’d moved from in front of the much more interesting Van Helsingwhich isn’t actually an interesting movie unless you’re fascinated by the optical illusion of the cross-stitch on Kate Beckinsale’s bodice (are those nipples or are they…?) or by the sheer sexual magnetism of Hugh Jackman, which gosh, nobody we know would be, would she now?

Hugh Jackman is missing something

Hugh Jackman is missing something

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