Viggo Mortensen vs Evil Elf

Well, perhaps not “vs” per se. He was too startled to put up much of a fight.

From the Archive and North Country Public Radio‘s website, and more or less another lifetime. Pictures and nicer formatting will have to wait till tomorrow, but will be provided. Sorry, no Speedo shot. Warning: I believe this one tops out at 23,000 words. Get yourself a drink. While you’re up, get me one too.

Viggo and me

February 27, 2003: Tripping

Viggo Mortensen, the actor best known for his role as Aragorn in the Lord of the Rings movies, returned to his native North Country to open an exhibition of photographs and read poetry at his alma mater, St. Lawrence University in Canton, New York. As soon as the trip was announced, fans of Viggo (and all things middle-earthly) began to plan an invasion. The following account was written by a fan from Vancouver known as Evil Elf.

———————————————————–
There are so many reasons this trip is impossible. So many GOOD reasons. It IS impossible. But of course that has no bearing on the situation whatsoever; we are dealing with Americans here.

So here I am in the Vancouver International Airport, on my way. Clearly, however impossible the trip is, it is more impossible NOT to go. It is certainly impossible to change the mind of a Connecticutite once it is made up, that I know for sure.

It’s all Ara‘s fault. Ara short for Aragrothien. Ara, like me, is a Viggofan. Should I back up a bit? No, why should you be any less confused than me, eh? So Ara, who lives in Connecticut, got talking to some of the other Viggo Mortensen fans on the fanbase, www.viggofanbase.com/modules/news, and she, dragonlady, gubydal, pandora, you know, that lot, well they are on their way right now to Canton, New York to see Viggo. He’s doing a big booksigning and art show and suchlike at his old alma mater, Saint Lawrence University. And these ladies decided amongst themselves and for God knows what reason that their trip would not be complete without the presence of Evil Elf herself.

That would be me.

Now ordinarily it’s just not to hard to get me out to meet a man who paints, writes, takes photographs, and acts well; it is even easier when he is tall, blond, blue-eyed, handsome and single.

Gotta dash, more later!

Evil Elf, Vancouver BC
President and CEO
Evil Geniuses for a Better Tomorrow!
Evil Elf the One and Only
The Nubby Kanuck
Viggo’s Athletic Supporter

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

Continue reading

So much for the sexy professor type…

Hmmm. Vin Diesel, eh? I’d always thought of myself as more the type to favour George Stephanopoulos or Alan Rickman, but neither of them were an option. Could we split the difference and give me Viggo in Darkly Noon? or David Wenham in 300?

Loan? Pretty please?

Stolen from EatMyFuckingStillettos.

 

Tough guy
You scored 65% masculine, 76% athletic, 18% exotic, and 31% refined!
You love men, you love testosterone and you know it. You like a bad-ass man who knows what he wants. He isn’t what you might bring home to mom but I don’t think it really matters – he’s hot! Someone like…..Vin Diesel. But let’s face it, the whole point of this was to look at a bunch of hot guys. If you liked what you saw, please rate my test!
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 99% on masculine
free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 99% on athletic
free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 99% on exotic
free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 99% on refined

Link: The What type of MAN turns you on Test written by thinkandcome on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

300 spoofs!

Say hello to the world’s crabbiest geography teacher:

This! Is! Spartaaaaaaaa! 

 And a new meme is born.

Thanks to engtech for these: a thread consisting of nothing but dozens upon dozens of joke 300 images. You’d think the man would have something better to do than feed my obsession, but apparently not. We could all learn from his example.

Xerxes is big pimpin'

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

Operation Global Media Domination: all I want is you…and you’re looking damn fine lately…

Best of Blogs finalist badgeYour humble blog servant – say, have you cut your hair? Something about you looks just so remarkably alive lately, we’ve all been meaning to tell you – begs to draw your attention – seriously, are you working out? You must be doing something right; your skin just glows – to the fact that a dear, dear friend of yours – really, you can bunk with us anytime, we’ll even clear out the Haunted Chamber for you – and a loyal blogreader except if you’re not a blogger in which case we pore over your comments (or silences as the case may be) as if they were morsels of gold from the lips of the Buddha himself, is a finalist in the Best of Blogs competition and humbly petitions for your consideration.

Vote here, pretty please with a cherry and the naked
celebrity/obscurity of your choice on top

You have only till midnight EDT, Friday, April 13,
so don’t delay, vote today!

Have I mentioned that I give marvelous head?

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

mummified fairy remains found!!!

This is totally legit.

dead fairy closeup

In news bound to rock doctrinaire Evolutionistas everywhere, another set of ancient fairy remains has been found. Assiduous readers of the ol’ raincoaster blog will recall our original reporting on the fossil fairy of Coney Island, which we broke to the larger world several months ago, much to the consternation of the scientific orthodoxy.

Now comes breaking news from Derbyshire, via Neatorama, that the mummified remains of several authentic flower fairies have been located in a barrow somewhere in the countryside. The exact site is being kept secret for obvious reasons; there is no knowing what shameful lengths the charlatans in lab coats might go to in order to erase this stunning blow to their orthodoxy.

The proof is undeniable:

dead fairy autopsy

The 2inch remains complete with wings; skin, teeth, and flowing red hair have been examined by anthropologists and forensic experts who can confirm that the body is genuine. X-rays of the “fairy” reveal an anatomically identical skeleton to that of a child. The bones, however, are hollow like those of a bird making them particularly light. The puzzling presence of a navel evne suggests that the beings reproduce the same as humans despite the absence of reproductive organs.

Well, I’d like to see what the “scientific community” can set against that kind of proof, eh? Try your darndest, you godless heathens! Just look at that photo; it’s even got a Police Evidence Bag and latex gloves! You can’t get much more official than that! Ha! I say again, HA!

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank