Feast your eyes upon perhaps the greatest fucking goddam motivational sales video in the fucking history of the goddam fucking internets, brought to you by Defamer.
Seriously, I’m thinking that Arthur Miller scripted it and it’s some rough cut of an unreleased “Death of a Winnebago Salesman” project. Wikipedia begs for the update…
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I’m late on this, but I’m sure you’ll understand it took me some time to work through my feelings. Pavarotti was a greatly talented man, and perhaps the highest iteration of a particular type, ie the man possessed of immortal talent who doesn’t mind trotting it out at his Mom’s every damn Sunday dinner, or singing at a friend’s birthday party, or showing up for any benefit concert that will have him, provided they lay on the pasta spread.
And I love people like that. To the other, equally talented individuals who hoard their gifts as if they are MRE’s in the face of Katrina, we say: can I buy you an enema, darling?
Luciano Pavarotti, perhaps the greatest opera singer of the 20th Century, and disco diva/supermodel Grace Jones, at a benefit for Angola.
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Is this the right place to pass along the information that Angelina Jolie‘s pickup line used to be “five bucks if you can guess what’s real”?
Yes, yes it is.
In related news, the OSI, a branch of the CIA has released a statement via Funnimetrics indicating that, if you wait for the next 30% off sale at Future Shop or something and use all the rebate coupons that have been gathering dust on top of the tv, you can live every Seventies’ adolescent male’s dream and build your own bionic woman, FOR FREE!
For realz.
With the decreasing price of computer equipment and electronics in general, the parts for a bionic person, at one time a prohibitive six million dollars, now costs less that three hundred dollars. During sale weekends at Fry‘s electronics, the OSI claims it can lower that price to zero, or free (sales tax not included). The new motto for the bionic woman project will be, “better…stronger…faster…and cheaper…”
“I remember we had to buy this big Betamax VCR to observe Jamie and Austin’s training. That thing cost thousands…” said retired OSI head of bionic projects, Oscar Goldman.
The government study cost seven million dollars.
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Stolen from the Silliness.org blog, which got it from god-knows-where, same place we all got it from: the email hole.
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.GRANDPA
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.SADDAM HUSSAIN (this used to be Hitler, then Qadaffi)
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossing the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.BILL GATES
I have just released chicken 99, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of chicken.EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?GEORGE W. BUSH
I don’t think I should have to answer that question.JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious?
Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what “they” call it, the “other side”.
Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the “black man” in order to trample him and keep him down.THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
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Camel cheese does not relate to this in any way, shape or form; to repeat, this has nothing whatsoever to do with camel cheese.
Now, I’m not sure where this comes from. It could be something I vaguely remembered from a PJ O’Rourke book, from back when he was funny. That would put it in the mid Eighties, I think. Or it could be something I read in an Eighteenth Century French manuscript, or maybe Cotton Mather. Then again, perhaps cave inscriptions…who knows?
All I know is, dairy is immortal. It simply mutates into more expensive forms of dairy.
This makes total sense to me, if not to my clean-living roomie.
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raincoaster 