I mean, if you were an innocent schoolgirl and THIS was your first exposure to sex, wouldn’t you join a convent?
Bedbugs, sex, city apartments, and knife penises.
Category Archives: Sex
Pacific Tree Octopus caught on camera!
pacific tree octopus blossoms by liz wolfe
We’ve previously covered the tragic decline of the noble Pacific Tree Octopus, once a monarch of the temperate rainforest, now sadly reduced to a furtive, shadowy band of cedar-crawling hobos, frantically fleeing from chainsaw-wielding lumberjacks. In this shocking image, Artist Liz Wolfe has managed to capture a cluster of them in mid-orgy. Never before have the cavortings of the Pacific Tree Octopus been captured on film. Truly a breathtaking sight.
And, for those of you looking for something a little earthier, here is a video of two octopuses having sex, from the Vancouver Aquarium.
From the notes:
Within minutes of introducing the male to a female octopus – sex happened… The whole process took roughly four hours.
Four hours? No wonder he got lucky so fast!
Research paper of the day: snot otter sperm
snot that important, really
So apparently the Snot Otter, aka Hellbender aka Devil Dog is endangered. “Very little reproduction has taken place in recent years.” Well, looking at one, I can believe it; he’s totally let himself go. Get that salamander to a gym, give him a good skin care routine and equip him with a few dance moves and next stop: PlentyOfFish!
This was an addendum to a research post about hipsters linked to by Gawker, but thank god for once I read right to the bottom. It is possibly the most interesting research notation I’ve read since the Journal of Irreproducible Results posted the Psychology of the Necronaut.
From Miller-McCune Magazine:
“Dr. Agnew and Dr. Carleton’s expertise and equipment were invaluable in helping us validate and document the results of our initial cryopreservation trials with the hellbender semen.” — Sally Nofs of the Nashville Zoo, on efforts to develop conservation techniques to sample and freeze sperm from the last surviving hellbender salamanders — the largest kind in North America — which are also affectionately known as “snot otters” or “devil dogs.” Note: We made none of this up.
I believe you.
Zombie Sex Guide: a public service announcement
Today’s safe sex warning comes to us from Zombieland, just in time for Halloween. While you’re out there shopping for your Slutty Zombie/Playa Zombie costume, remember not to make it too realistic. You don’t want anyone avoiding you because of any of the following zombie-specific sex challenges:
- crotch rot
- S&M without the sting
- insertion without the option of exertion (dropped limb syndrome)
- or the truly terrifying consequences of necronautical oral sex:
- Zombie blow jobs suck.
Oral sex can be challenging for zombies, especially if you’re in a state of advanced decay or have taken a lot of physical damage. The repetitive sucking and mouth movement can overtax the jaw joint and cause permanent dislocation of the mandible. In addition, your partner’s genitalia may have degenerated to the point of being unrecognizable. And if you thought the smell was bad before…
Mylene Farmer: Que Mon Coeur Lâche
We haven’t had a good Youtube in quite some time (days), nor a good Mylene Farmer youtube in even longer, so here’s a nice little AIDs allegorical one (which should, incidentally, put me back on the top of the WP.com Allegory tag page) called Que Mon Coeur Lâche, and which dates from the days in which she was young and pretty and had unfortunate haircuts, ie 1992, as you will see:
And, incidentally, if this doesn’t get me back on the Michael Jackson Haterfan Juggernaut, nothing will.
French:
Bien trop brutal
L’amalgame
La dance des corps
L’amour à mort
Amour poison
Collision
La peur s’abat
Sur nos ébats
Toi entre nous
Caoutchouc
Tu t’insinues
Dans nos amours
C’est pas facile
Le plaisir
Apprivoiser
Ton corps glacé
Quel mauvais ange
Se dérange
Pour crucifier
Mes libertés
Moi pauvre diable
J’ai si mal
Vertige d’amour,
amour blessé
Que mon coeur lâche
Mes rêves
d’amours excentriques
N’ont plus leur strass
Mon stress
d’amour est si triste
Que mon coeur lâche
Mais fais-moi mal
Abuse des liens et des lys
Les temps sont lâches
L’amour a mal
Les temps sont amour plastique
Estelle, Rennes, France
English:
QUE MON COEUR LACHE (MY HEART GIVES UP)
Translation by Paradox
[Some parts of ‘Que mon coeur lache’ are missing in the english version ‘My soul is slashed’, so …]
Too much brutal
the mixing
the dance of bodies
the death of love
poisonous love
collision
the fear beats down
on our frolic
You between us
rubber
you seep into
our intercourse
It’s not easy
the pleasure
to tame your iced body
My heart gives up
my dreams of kinky love
do not have paste anymore
my stress about love
is so sad
My heart gives up
please harm me
misuse of bonds and lilies
times are loose
love is in pain
times are plastic love
what nasty angel
came up to crucify my liberties
Me, poor devil
It hurts so much
love fever, hurt love
raincoaster 