Operation Global Media Domination: the WordCamp Victoria Situation

Total Information Awareness

Scientia est Potentia

How does it go? A prophet is never esteemed in his own house…? something like that? Well, fortunately this prophet is esteemed, and that highly, in the nearby megalopolis of Victoria, British Columbia, to which I am constantly drawn and not just by the drinks that Shawn Soole cooks up for me…

though significantly by them, it must be admitted.

Indeed, I am drawn thither by the constant call to speak at WordCamps, SocialMediaCamps, IdeaWaves, and other tech-related compound words, which opportunities are seldom offered to me in my own humble burb of Vancouver, not that I am sulking about it, no sir! I mean, how could you resist this:

The Digital Revolution: Lessons from the Homeless

The Digital Divide is very real, and when the gap is bridged the results can be surprising, creative, instructive, even inspiring. By focusing on case studies of social media use among homeless individuals (taken from my personal teaching practice) this talk will provide radical new strategies for more informed and effective communications for anyone.

I ask yez.

In any case, if you want to see me speak a little closer to home, or on the other hand fear physical proximity to me while wishing to appease me with an offering of cash and/or Paypal, I’ve just announced a raft of new and returning blogging and social media workshops, some online, some IRL, over at my social media site, so go check them out.

Wonder how good I am? Ask Mike Vardy (of Eventualism, LifeAsAHuman, and DNTO):

Lorraine is likely better known by her Twitter handle (and business monicker of sorts), @raincoaster. She runs Raincoaster Media…and she really knows her stuff. She’s been doing this for a long time and has the right mix of credentials and knowledge to offer what a lot of those doing the same kind of thing can’t: nuanced comprehension.

Awwww. And for your information NO, I DID NOT HAVE TO BRIBE HIM, which is good, as I have, as we all know, no money.

But if you sign up for a course, I’ll have money! And then I can bribe YOU! Wouldn’t that be fabulous???

Sure it would. Shut up.

Memo of the Day: Toilet Wars

Or should that be “Loo Wars?” I dunno, “Loo Wars” kinda sounds like a 1920’s bisexual movie star, probably one that took the virginity of both Ginger Rogers and David Bowie later in life. In fact, “Loo Wars” sounds rather awesome, now that I think of it. I should pitch a biography of this fabulous, imaginary person. BRB, writing proposal…

Okay, back. Where was I? Oh yes, posting about toilets once again. I KNOW I’m supposed to call them “Washrooms” like the way the news refers to “Afghanistan” when what they mean is Tarok Kolache. But they’re toilets, specifically the things you sit on. And here are two memos from Ye Olde Englande where, it seems, standards (and colons) have relaxed considerably in recent times.

Why is it always the men’s room? Except at Metrotown (whereof we will not speak…)?

The first, from the Grauniad, venerated temple of lefty journalism:

Subject: Gentlemen of the Guardian and Observer, we must buck up!

A plea on behalf of the cleaners and your fellow staff…
In the event that you are, ahem, inconvenienced when visiting the toilets, please use the brush handily situated at the side of the toilet to clean the bowl after yourself, rather than leaving the bowl – and in one case on the second floor toilets – the seat covered with evidence of your visit for the next occupant of the stall to behold.
Surely no one would leave a toilet in that state at home, would they?
And a happy new year to all.

And the second, from Endemol, whose website is a masterwork of corporate gobbledygook (building franchises and extending them into new consumer experiences etc) but whose memo is admirably direct, vivid, amusing, and (doubtless) effective:

"You fucking animals" is the new "You dirty rats"

A toilet memo for the ages: "You fucking animals" is the new "You dirty rats"

via Popbitch, the rest of whose stories today involve absolutely nobody of whom I have ever heard except Adam Ant. If you want to feel like you’re far away from anywhere a language you speak is spoken, read British sports, celebrity, and music journalism. Impenetrable, I’m telling you; some day I’ll do a rant just on British sports writing, but that rant is not today. My doctor says only one rant per day until the 28th, then it’s back to free-flowing bile 24/7 as usual.

Hump Day Unicorn Chaser: Chairdancing Edition

 

chair dancing with the has-beens: SURE to be a hit

Chair Dancing with the Has-Beens: GET ME CLORIS LEACHMAN ON THE PHONE THIS INSTANT

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, the fine, and near-forgotten, art of Chair Dancing, is sadly overlooked in the realm of vicarious pleasures deemed suitable for reality television. Crocheting with the Has-Beens? Sure. Chair Dancing with the Hotties from the Office Upstairs That You’re Not Sure What They Do But It Must Be Software, They’re All So Young? Not a chance.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a damn shame. Because, in an Orwellian world, chairdancing is freedom. They can take away our Aeron Chairs and replace them with crappy stationary ripoffs from Ikea, but they cannot take away our ability to bop mindlessly to Backstreet Boys while remaining seated. Because this, ladies and gentlemen, yes this is chairdancing in the Twenty-First Century Anno Domini:

It’s come so far! Remember the video that started the craze, way back in the last century2004?

NEVER FORGET!!!

Bart Meets Banksy

Two of my favorite men, together again for the first time.

I always wondered what happened to old unicorns. Now I know. Gee, Korea looks an awful lot like the workshops of Isengard. They should invest in a few orc suites and hook up some LOTR fanboy tourism!

And now, because I am pimping them out all over the place, here are my gossip links for today:

Sarah Jessica Feedbag (Ayyyy)
Robert Pattinson Pantsless (CelebrityBeehive)
Crazy Little Thing Called Rehab (raincoaster)
Kate Winslet’s latest is straight to DVD (Lolebrity)
M. Knight Shamalamadingdong feels your pain (AgentBedhead)
Cougartown: population one more (BusyBeeBlogger)
Daniel Radcliffe likes ‘em bendy (CeleBitchy)
Kim Kardashian airs out her implants (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Carrie Fisher had the best ice connection on the whole Ice Planet (CelebritySmack)
Killer shoes (CityRag)
Someone has a HUGHe crush (CojoStyle)
Times are tough in single land (DailyStab)
Banksy in Springfield (DListed)
Hugh can dance if he wants to (HaveUHeard)
Bill and Ted’s adventure now somewhat mediocre (INeedMyFix)
Juggalo no-no (PerezHilton)
Lady Gaga goes to Jersey (SeriouslyOMG)

 

Shebeen Club tonight at Rogue

Shebeen Club S

Shebeen Club S is for Scribes!

Just a reminder that tonight’s Shebeen Club meeting, Going Pro with Sylvia Taylor, is at Rogue Kitchen and Wetbar, in Waterfront Station skytrain/seabus station. They’ve developed a terrific seasonal menu for us, too, and of course they offer all the fabulous microbrews of their partner in crime, Steamworks Brew Pub. We have lots of space in our private room, so you can just show up and join us at 7pm tonight: $25 at the door.

Choice of Entrées:

1. Coconut Poached Chicken Salad

snap peas, red & yellow peppers, mixed greens,

thin asian noodles, sesame soy dressing

2. Mediterranean Penne

kalamata olives, basil, tomatoes, artichokes,

yellow peppers, goat cheese

3. The 9.2 oz Rogue Burger

home ground sirloin burger cooked to 160

degrees farenheit, sesame brioche bun, bacon,

cheddar, lettuce, tomato, pickle, sweet relish,

mayo, hand-cut kennebec fries

4. Fresh Halibut Tacos

seared cajun-spices halibut, avocado cream,

mango salsa, fennel coleslaw, white flour tortilla