This one’s a real eye-ripper, straight from the folks at Fishbowl NY. Blame them, although I think the titles are straight outta CondeNasty.
Daily Archives: November 6, 2006
site o’ the day: the call of plush Cthulhu, at the laundrybasket of madness
From time to time we here at the ol’ raincoaster blog like to get out for a stroll around strange and eldritch parts (no dirty jokes, Metro!) and see what we can discover. We have just returned from such a journey, one that has left us strangely shaken, ill at ease, suspecting that behind the homely reality that we have come to know as “the world” lie unutterable gulfs of madness, spiralling into the great abyss for eons beyond time…
So we thought we’d show you this. Prepare yourselves, mortals!
“How odd it looks!” said Miss Kitty Fluffington. “Very non-Euclidian.”
“Yes,” said Brown Snuggly Bear, “but thank goodness it isn’t squamous.”
“Or gibbous,” said Mister Bright Eyes.
“It seems to be covering something,” said Miss Kitty Fluffington. “Let’s see!”
Events proceed predictably…
Yes, plush Cthulhu! The stars were right again and a band of innocent stuffed animals had released Him into the world by accident.
“Uh, oh,” said Baby Boy Fluffy Bunny.
Another soul-chilling tale of terror from the posthumous hand and cruelly unhinged mind of the master of horror.
Brian Atene, meet Denny Blazin Hazen, the Average Homeboy
Brian Atene, 20, Aug 16, 1963 and then they broke the mold
A brief refresher before we begin.
You all remember Brian Atene, bad audition posterboy and internet laughingstock for the video he made to convince Stanley Kubrick (CUE-brick) to give him the lead in Full Metal Jacket. Naturally, in a smarmy culture where everyone’s a comedian, it wasn’t long before someone made a series of viciously amusing Brian Atene: the Chubby Years videos to bring us up to speed on our hero.
What separates Brian Atene from David Hasselhoff? One thing, ladies and gentlemen: staying power. If David Hasselhoff were an internet laughingstock, you can bet your sweet bippy that it would be David Hasselhoff and nobody else who would make the mocking “where are they now” video, and he’d be up until the wee hours, uploading that puppy to YouTube and, for all I know, favoriting it under eight hundred different usernames.
Brian Atene is no David Hasselhoff.
But Denny Blazin Hazen is.
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present Denny Blaze, circa 1986. Don’t laugh: you wore those ridiculous pants too, didn’t you?
It’s okay. Breathe. Breathe. Nobody’s going to make you mousse your mullet if you don’t want to. Just relax.
Now see what Denny Blaze has done in response to that video’s 546,401 views, 326 comments, and 1083 times favorited.
He’s owned it.
I am now solidly on Team Average Homeboy! Bonus points that he’s kept in shape, too. Looks better than generational icon and sex scandaliste Rob Lowe, who’s starting to get that Keef look around the eyes, and for good reason from what I hear.
they knew: Iraqi quagmire predicted in 1999
It wasn’t just Colin Powell, a voice Cassandrizing itself into marginalization and eventual unemployment; even the military’s own war games predicted the current state of affairs.
More to the point, it showed that only a force nearly three times the size of the current one could have any chance at maintaining stability and preventing sectarian chaos.
George Washington University’s National Security Archive applied through a Freedom of Information Act request, and obtained the documents that prove it. AP has the report.
A series of secret U.S. war games in 1999 showed that an invasion and post-war administration of Iraq would require 400,000 troops, nearly three times the number there now.
And even then, the games showed, the country still had a chance of dissolving into chaos…
“The conventional wisdom is the U.S. mistake in Iraq was not enough troops,” said Thomas Blanton, the archive’s director. “But the Desert Crossing war game in 1999 suggests we would have ended up with a failed state even with 400,000 troops on the ground…”
Some of the conclusions are similar to what actually occurred after the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq in 2003:
“A change in regimes does not guarantee stability,” the 1999 seminar briefings said. “A number of factors including aggressive neighbors, fragmentation along religious and/or ethnic lines, and chaos created by rival forces bidding for power could adversely affect regional stability.” “Even when civil order is restored and borders are secured, the replacement regime could be problematic — especially if perceived as weak, a puppet, or out-of-step with prevailing regional governments.” “Iran’s anti-Americanism could be enflamed by a U.S.-led intervention in Iraq,” the briefings read. “The influx of U.S. and other western forces into Iraq would exacerbate worries in Tehran, as would the installation of a pro-western government in Baghdad.” “The debate on post-Saddam Iraq also reveals the paucity of information about the potential and capabilities of the external Iraqi opposition groups. The lack of intelligence concerning their roles hampers U.S. policy development.” “Also, some participants believe that no Arab government will welcome the kind of lengthy U.S. presence that would be required to install and sustain a democratic government.” “A long-term, large-scale military intervention may be at odds with many coalition partners.”
Operation Global Media Domination: do me a favour, wouldja?
Seriously, I need the help.
Ever since WordPress switched my URL from raincoaster.wordpress.com to raincoaster.com my hits have walked right off a cliff and straight down a deep well (momentary buoyance provided by Brian Atene and Even Stevphens notwithstanding). I don’t know why this is: have I suddenly become dull? Have I stopped posting? Hell to the no!
So I’m going to assume it has something to do with the links. When in doubt, blame the technology.
If those of you who’ve put me in your blogroll could switch it over to raincoaster.com instead, you’d be doing me a favour. And in the future, please use the current raincoaster.com URLs. No sense racing a dead horse, even if it outranks the live one.
While I do get a modest thrill of learning that I’ve gone up 900,000 places on Technorati since the start of this changeover, I still have another 100,000 places to go to regain my ground, and that means another 75 links, minimum. Sigh.
Back to looking for more damn Narnia porn.
raincoaster 