123 ways to drive Voldemort insane

(er)

Elvis! Voldemort!

Stolen from Myspace, which stole it from Mugglenet. If anyone has the original link, I’d be much obliged if they’d put it in the comments so I can add it. Found it!

1. Ask him why he ‘doesn’t have such a cool scar?’

2. Laugh at him.

3. Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. ‘Round, round, get around, I get around…’

4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.

5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.

6. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.

7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.

8. Dance the Funky Chicken.

9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.

10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.

11. If you ever need to say ‘Like taking candy from a baby’, be sure to add ‘Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.’ Stare pointedly at him.

12. Play ‘knock-&-run’ at his bedchamber door late at night.

13. Call him ‘The-Man-Who-Let-the-Boy-Live.’

14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn’t look like something ‘more socially acceptable?’

15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.

16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.

17. Be cheerful.

18. When he tries to impress you with his powers, say ‘Awwwww, lookit. Voldie’s got a twiggle!’

19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.

20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like ‘You’re the boss, boss’ or ‘It’s your funeral.’

21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic ‘My sir, you look particularly menacing today.’

22. Taunt him about his middle name. ‘Marvolo? What’s that – a washing detergent?’

23. Keep a ‘good-behaviour chart’. Award points and give out gold stars.

24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.

25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there…

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Operation Global Media Domination: the Technorati Situation

cross-posted to running through rain

TIAWell, after losing 2000 places on Technorati recently because apparently nothing I cover is link-worthy, not that I’m bitter and you people wonder why max got a whole biography, I have recently regained my former status in the 16,000s. And how, you may ask? Simple, I reply.

I have a big mouth.

It turns out, it doth, that comments made on WordPress.com blogs are counted as independent links to our own blogs from those other blogs when and if that blog displays the recent comments in the sidebar.

Implications: I’m not going to be resisting the impulse to shoot my mouth off anymore (Metro, don’t say it). There’s more of an incentive to comment on the top blogs, which will of course reinforce their popularity, because they have more authority, which means that links from them count more on search engines than links from obscure blogs (although T counts everyone, no matter what the authority). It will make WP.com blogs attractive destinations for commenters who are interested in subtle blog pimping (ie not AND CHECK OUT MY BLOG WWW.BOZONINCORPORATED.BIZ!!!). God knows I dropped Iain Dale like a hot turd once he restricted commenters to those willing to link only to Blogger blogs or forgo links entirely. I am certainly not the only one who thinks this way.

Questions: it remains to be seen if it works this way with other search engines like Google. It remains to be seen if this is a deliberate strategy on WP.com’s part or if they’re going to read my post in the forum and go oh shit! and “fix” it. It remains to be seen whether this applies equally to those who choose not to become Avatarded (WP already excludes them from Top Blogs, Featured Blogs, etc).

Anyway, comment away. My Fish Heads, Fish Heads post could use some sweet lovin’.

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female porn

What do women want? This, baby. Throw in the ability not to backseat drive and you’ve got the perfect man.

From Al Lowe via MasterCowfish.

Female porn

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WWTJD? What would Tom Jones do?

Well, it’s a question. When I was little I used to ask myself what Anne Murray would do…then it became Kate Jackson. Yeah, that’s how old I am!

In any case, men can do a lot worse than to ask themselves: What Would Tom Jones Do? Think about it: rudderless milquetoasts everywhere suddenly become assertive, seductive, sweaty, ice-cool, red hot, and Welsh-American-accented!

From CulturePulp, by Mike Russell

What Would Tom Jones Do?

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quote o’ the day: fame

Elvis

“The most annoying, condescending thing that friends, fans, journalists, and people from my previous life would do,” he remembered, “is tap me on the shoulder and say, ‘Enjoy the ride.’ As if the five of us weren’t completely aware that fame can be a fleeting thing.

It was like, fuck you.

Enjoy the ride being an accountant.”

Ted Allen of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy via The Vulture

stolen from Corporate Casual

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