It’s rare, even in our celebrity-obsessed culture, to find an expression of fandom that is pure, hearfelt, honest, tragic, tearful and absolutely hilarious.
But I found one!
via Defamer, but I woulda found it anyway.
Chris Crocker is a STAR, bitches, a STAR!
UPDATE:
This video its own tribute fragrance now.
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My god, girl. All you have to do is lip synch and dance for a living. Can it be that hard? Even I can dance better than this…and I’m about that chubby, too. This is as good an example of phoning it in as I’ve ever seen, and the audience reaction shots are priceless; their jaws are hanging, and not because she’s so hot!
Come to think of it, my roots are greasy as well. Shit, where’s my fifty million dollars? Perez Hilton‘s got a thread going: it’s called “How Bad was Britney, Y’All?” and it has 6100 comments and counting…
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Are you an intellectual? Are you at least intelligent? And are you, like me, fed up with the fact that it appears to be the unconscious strategy of the mentally inferior to simply outnumber us?
Camus once said that it was the moral obligation of the intelligent to oppress the stupid, otherwise they would take over the world.
Now, this may be somewhat along the lines of the barn door/bolted horse scenario, particularly in a world where men are still willing to have sex with Britney Spears, but I have an opportunity to pass along to interested parties that will, I believe, prove attractive to that particular target group while simultaneously rendering them incapable of spawning.
Ladies and gentlemen, via defrostindoors at the relatively demure Bridlepath, we present our first ever Help Wanted ad:
Looking for a tester of a Chastity device – m4w
Reply to: pers-375384078@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-16, 6:35PM EDTMyself and a friend are developing a new style chastity device for woman. It does involve 7 piercing to be done. Once the piercings have healed (6 months) the chastity device will be put on.The device is small and will be made specifically for you. It is a small plate that is put over your vagina with a slit in the center for your lips to pass through. Then there will be three rods that go through your lips and one through your clitoris over top of this plate. A top plate will be secured over top of this (with hole for urination and cleaning). Once it is comfortable and with no health problems it will be secured together sealing your sex inside your new prison.The final product will be titanium and you will not be able to get it off. There will be no keys. Sealing will be permanent.
You will still be able to wear bathing suits and it will not be noticeable under clothing, but you will never have sex again.
We can discuss financial compensation with any woman that is serious in helping us test this device but please keep in mind that you will not be able to get it off so please be serious about this before responding.
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“and she’s what? Thirty? And she’s a total has-been…” said the comfortably-upholstered blonde not that far from thirty herself, to her expensively-if-more-selectively-padded circle of friends. Once you get implants, you pretty much have to shop at Bebe because nothing else fits.
“Yes, she is. Yes, she is,” agreed the brunette chorus. “But she really used to have the body.”
“I know,” said one. “But who’d have thought it would be him who’d turn out to be the smart one? The stable one? The better one?”
“She’s so overweight now. She’ just…have you seen her? She’s trying for a comeback, but she’s just…over. She can’t do work. It’s sad, really. Ever since the baby…He’s got it together, he really does. What a shock.”
And I’m sitting there, staring into my Martini and occasionally pretending to read my book, but the fact is that trying to figure out who they’re talking about is far more compelling than reading about Michel Mauvais, his accurst offspring Charles Le Sorcier, and their various intrigues in the deserted and time-haunted Castle of No Name.
And I’m thinking Affleck? Nah! Because the fact is that not only can it not be said that Jennifer Garner has let herself go, but it must be said that Ben has had it going on for quite some time and being visibly relatively together shouldn’t be cause for shock among a table of pub-going strangers, even after Gigli, or so ya’d think.
But the blonde is going on…
It appears, it doth, that her boyfriend/husband/whatever works in the film business, and this star, whoever she is or once was (it’s the movies that got small!) was up here filming something, and that, while she was filming this movie for which she was paid several million dollars, some jewelry went missing from her wardrobe. Oh, not diamonds, says the blonde, nothing like that. Only about four thousand dollar’s worth. But gone it was, and not merely misplaced, but stolen. And found in the star’s possession.
And at this point I rule that nice Jennifer Garner out entirely.
“Yeah,” says a brunette. “Who’d have thought the one with his shit together would turn out to be K.Fed.”
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raincoaster 