Category Archives: geek

rant o’ the day: engrish angst

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InsaneI love the “Next Blog” button on WordPress.com. I read the most interesting things that way. Today, after a far-too-long spell of nothing but missionary blog after mommy blog after missionary blog after mommy blog after real estate spammer, I came across the following, and let me tell you, it was refreshing.

In fact, it was so refreshing, let me tell you again.

It was refreshing.

There, I said it.

Well, it was.

I mean, how many “Gosh, Joe-Bob Junior is six months old today! I can hardly believe it, but it was his four month check up sixty days ago and I guess Susan’s mom says that makes it six months and Susan’s mom’s really smart. I hope I raise my youngsters like Susan’s mom. Susan turned out really cool. Not like me, lol, my mother would look at me and say “Your a mess” well i am, and i mean to lose this baby weight i WILL but it all takes time and meanwhile I am a BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMAN not some stick figure like those girls on the tee vee that Big Joe-Bob watches all the time,” can you really read without wanting to put your fist through the cathode ray tube and saw through your carotid artery with the shards of glass?

Not too many.

And along came this:

I want talk singlis and bad engrish today.

I grow so many fats. Now I like pig so fat like that. EEEEEEE. Last time I smile can see cheekbones, now see what? FATS. I go jogging jus now and I cannot run at all lor. My legs like make of metal like that.

Now I wan to slim down! ON DIET! But also mus exercise lor.

Anywayssxzxz, I sood be in GENTING NOW. But I in SINGAPORE!!! I HATE O’S AND PRELIMS!!!!!!!! dRiViNg mE cRaZyYyYy!!!!!!!

Yes, apparently they are.

But still, think about it. One of the things everyone slobbers all over Hemingway for is his unique use of language. And, really, it’s the only thing going for Dickens besides the broad appeal of mawkishness. This blog entry is, I suggest, as different from the run of the mill English you read as Runyon or Shakespeare, and possibly even Spencer.

And far more amusing.

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Henry Rollins, cyberpatriot

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Sometimes, there’s just no other words for it but “Baby Hewey-faced motherfuckers screwing over our country,” and no better messenger of the divine truth than Henry. Fucking. Rollins.

Selah.

Transcript coming soon. And yes, it must be admitted I got this from BoingBoing.

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Cthulhugami

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I hate it when BoingBoing is on something before I am. Once! Once in six months! Time for some affirmations.

My self-esteem is intact. I am worthy. I have the respect of the Cthulummunity and the admiration of my peers. Yes, I do.

And I’m not defensive, either.

Bloody hell. Here, several days late, is the brazilliant, step by step photodocumentation of the creation of the immortal Origami Cthulhu!

Sometimes I think the most merciful thing in the world is the inability of human fingers to call into being the greatest of the Great Old Ones. We live in an origami-versions-of-Elder-Gods-free world, and it is not meant that we should fold.

Cthulhu origami

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Giant Squid: your Saturday science vid!

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I am sure that I speak for many when I say I miss those endless Saturday afternoon nature shows that came on between the sports. Take thirteen minutes and climb with me back into the cosy, cowboy-printed sleepingbag of your childhood as we watch The Search for the Giant Squid!

from the YouTube notes:

For centuries, sailors have told tales of sea monsters with massive tentacles. But it was only recently that a giant squid was actually filmed. One man has spent his life tracking the elusive creatures.

When his large, powerful yacht slowed to a virtual stop, Olivier de Kersauson knew he had a problem. “I saw two arms, twice the size of my arm, grabbing the rudder.” A giant squid had got caught in the propeller. “It had a lot of power and started to shake the boat.” It was a sight Dr Steve O’Shea would love to have witnessed. For over 30 years he’s been chasing the rare creatures. But recently, he’s become aware of a disturbing trend. “Squids are incredibly good barometers of environmental health”, he explains. “If I go back 10 years, I had 23 giant squids in one year. Now, because of the intensity of fishing, it’s tailed down to one a year.”

And here is the requisite wistful portrait demonstrating the futility and the beauty of human hopes and dreams, from the New Yorker.

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Star Trek and the Red Jersey of Death: the math

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lolredshirts

At last a twisted genius has applied some higher math skillz to the age-old question of just how deadly is the red Starfleet uniform?

Answer: pretty damn deadly.

Probability of a red-shirt casualty= 53%
14% of fights ended in a fatality (with a 72% chance the fatality wore a red shirt)
Probability of a red-shirt “incident” when Kirk has a “conquest” = 12%

Which leads to some truly fascinating conclusions:

As the data shows, Captain Kirk “making contact” with alien women has an impact on the crew’s survival. The red-shirt death rate is higher when a fight breaks out than when Kirk meets a woman and a fight breaks out. Yet the analysis shows that meeting Kirk meeting women only happens in 30% of the missions.

Conclusion:
We can reliably improve the survivability of the red-shirted crewmen by only exploring peaceful, female-only planets (android and alien females included).

I particularly love the Powerpoint presentation. Surely, surely, those wizened old Admirals would enjoy the slides as well, for getting in those needed snoozes. Yes, the whole intricate and elegant article on the morbid red shirt is really a stalking horse, to distract you from the fact that, like it or not, you’re reading a comparative analysis of bar graphs vs Powerpoint vs pie charts. It’s as if the anonymous Fellini of the flipchart from Ross Perot‘s campaign finally busted a nerdish nut and this is the offspring.

May he live long and, yes, prosper.

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