Well, it’s true. The problem is, I’m a chick, so instead of learning from Mia Sara‘s insipid bimbette, I learned from the master. I learned from Ferris.

So, of course, I’m still single.

Oh, I attract my fair share of men. I attract more than my fair share of men who, while technically men, aren’t actually men in any real sense. See my posts on zeta males for the passive-aggressive response thereto. I attract men who are to Mia Sara as I am to Ferris Bueller.

And this is why I am still single.

Mandatory Groucho Quote Here.

Hey, why is the Groucho Club in London in the first place? I mean, was he a regular? Was he a citizen? Was he even “a bloody foreigner” who hung out there and presumably dazzled their women with his superior orthodontistry?

You have to ask these things. If you’re me. And me still single…imagine!

In any case, here is a lovely article from Australia’s Sydney Morning Herald on the life lessons in the great American masterpiece Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. This is all ye know and all ye need to know.

From the Sydney Morning Herald:

As the school secretary points out, “the sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads – they all adore Ferris. They think he’s a righteous dude,” and I’d have to agree.

Ferris Bueller pretty much embodies everything I believe a man should be: a little dangerous, immensely charming, funny, an optimist, adventurous, challenging, a bit dodgy, curious, subversive, latitudinarian and a dab hand with the sheilas.

Anyway, what follows took far longer to produce than it looks, so please read on and discover the secret to life according to Ferris…

And when you do, tell it to the men who are asking me out.

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