Category Archives: Humour

D’oe!

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Audrey Hepburn and her pet deerDon’t you just hate it when you’re minding your own business, just taking your deer out for a walk, and suddenly one little thing sets off the mob and things go all Quentin Tarantino on you? Someone call a recently-reemployed screenwriter and get them on this right away: it’s a soon-to-be-classic, can’t-fail romcom featuring Hayden Panettiere as the ditsy socialite India Vanderhoof and Michael Cera as Fred Fogg, the waiter with a heart of gold, starring in the guaranteed worldwide box office smash Bringing Up Bambi!

All the way from Winston-Salem, North Carolina:

Witnesses eating lunch Sunday at TJ’s Deli in Winston-Salem were startled when they said a woman walking a pet deer on a leash lost control of the animal, causing it to break through a window and run amok through the restaurant’s dining room…

The deer, which witnesses described as a 120 to 140-pound doe, finally ran through the kitchen and out the back door.

No one was injured in the melee, and there’s no word on why the woman had the deer or if charges would be filed against her.”We might add deer jerky (to the menu),” Fogg said laughing

Who should I call about this…Pixar? Steve, Steve, we need to talk.

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not just a river in Egypt

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Our thought for the day:

Denial

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Banksy caught in the act!

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Banksy’s bouquet

One of the great mysteries of the Twenty-First Century has been revealed: the identity of the secretive “Banksy,” perhaps the most (in)famous of all guerrilla graffiti artists. Banksy, whose politically and socially critical works sell for hundreds of thousands of dollars to collectors around the world including the Pitt-Jolie family, is notoriously reclusive. The artist has never been publicly identified, and no previous photos of Banksy at work are known to exist. As you will see from the picture behind the page jump, the patron saint of taggers everywhere has good reason to have kept quiet about that highly inconvenient “day job.”

Banksy Thug for Life

Click onward for the shocking photo evidence.

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Ten Things You Don’t Know About Women, by Jennifer Love Hewitt

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Jennifer Love Hewitt’s face is up here

O RLY? Yes, RLY.

She’s not as bimbonic as she looks. She certainly is smart enough to have hired a PR who can pick out a good ghostwriter!

From Esquire, via PopOnThePop:

1. PMS is not a lame excuse to be able to yell at you. It’s a great excuse.

2. We really can pump our own gas. It’s just that we’ve got this fantasy of you as a ’30s-era full-service station attendant. You’d look so cute in the hat.

3. We’re not complimented when you call your ex a slut. She dated you, too. So what are we?

4. We’re smart enough to know that smell is always the dog.

5. Yes, we can dish it out.

6. No, we can’t take it.

7. We want to raise children. We just don’t want you to be one of them.

8. Women are meant to talk and men to listen. We don’t want to be fixed; we want to be heard.

9. When we ask if you’ve had any work done, it’s because we want to know what our kids will really look like.

10. When we ask you how we look, it’s okay to lie; when we ask you how she looks, you better lie.

I disagree with #6, but then, I’m considerably better-nourished than Ms JLoHew, and as everyone knows, cocaine interferes with one’s ability to detect #4. #2, though. What was she thinking, letting that out of the bag?

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the salt mines

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Coal MinersWorking for a living. Yeah, it sucks. The long, monitor-lit hours, from the very moment your afternoon coffee is ready right up until it’s time for cocktails, it is a gruelling, bone-crushing slog. The nightly thrashings from the trolls. The technical difficulties. The next-morning regrets when the boss asks why you posted the decapitation story on a mommyblog.

While some are fortunate enough to get iFreebie after iFreebie, some of us must content ourselves with only a token collection of, say, Viggo Mortensen videos, jewelry, international trips, and squid-themed clothing sent by various well-wishers from across the planet.

Honestly, what’s a humble anarchist squid/parenting/gossip blogger to do?

If you only knew the thousands of twisted, revolting things I have comb through every day just to find you something of the quality of Baby Toupee, show you a scientific video as breathtakingly beautiful as It’s Full of Stars, or compose a symphony of intertextual meaning such as Linkabilly Roundup, you’d bow your head and solemnly click the SUPPORT OPERATION GLOBAL MEDIA DOMINATION Paypal donation button near the

Top

Right-Hand

Corner

of the blog.

Again, for those just tuning in: the Support OGMD Paypal donation button is in the sidebar, on the right-hand side of the blog. Click at will.

Click early. Click often.

In any case, as I have recently been asked “How do you know this stuff” I thought I would give you a sample, however small, of the revolting masses of teeming Hollywood effluent through which I must wade day in and day out, slaving away for my crust and a bowl of scummy, tepid water.

Without so much as a Fish Head to gnaw on.

Go on. Click. But be warned: this stuff will fucking break you. You can’t handle it. No one can for long, and retain their sanity. Just be thankful that there are a legion of us bloggers out there protecting you from coming into contact with such things directly. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it.

You’re welcome. You’re warned.

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