breaking news: Cheney’s missing fingers located!

Cheney Bush puppet

Reuters has the full report, but surely this is no suprise to anyone who’s been following the US political situation for the past seven years.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – President George W. Bush had five polyps removed during a routine colon cancer test…

Acting Emperor Doctor Evil Dick Cheney had no comment.

He refused to remove his right hand from inside his jacket.

He likewise refused all requests to drink a glass of water while the President was speaking.

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an American abroad: the flag

truth flag

 

the Truth Flag, from Flickr
and the quote for the day, from Metro

 

“I just remember thinking, ‘I just brought terror to someone under the American flag’.”

Sergeant Timothy John Westphal, 31, of Denver, 18th Infantry Brigade, 1st Infantry Division. In Tikrit on year-long tour beginning February 2004

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All Star Hooker Sting

Look! Hookers!

Ah, baseball.

Sport of the gods. Oh, don’t let those Buddhists fool you: the gods are highly competitive. The Norse vs the Blackfoot, the Aztec vs the Animist. And now that nobody actually worships them in any meaningful way, they have sublimated their divine battles into the true sport of the gods (sport of kings eat your heart out): baseball.

And guess what? As always happens when the divine attempts to work itself out in thes sphere of the mundane, things got weird.

The biggest hooker sting since the last Republican convention took place in non-accidental conjunction with the All-Star game.

NBC11 has the story:

Law enforcement officials said Monday that 131 people were arrested in a prostitution and child exploitation sting between July 6 and July 12 in conjunction with the Major League Baseball All-Star game in San Francisco.

Oakland police spokesman Roland Holmgren said the sting was conducted because “a significant number” of Oakland-based prostitutes ply their trade at high profile events such as baseball all-star games, pro football’s Super Bowl and the Hot August Nights festivities in Reno every summer.

Yep, the game of champions. George Will has a lot of ‘splainin’ to do!

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more happy birthdayisms to me!

Woohoo, if I were in Second Life, I’d be rich. I’ve gotten virtual hugs (*raises eyebrow*), virtual booze, and virtual cephalopods galore.

As faithful readers of the ol’ raincoaster blog know, we’re all about the cephalopods. Sometimes, however, we are torn: are we more octapussian or more squidilicious? Oh, how to decide, how to decide

But now, thanks to some intrepid and possibly-mad scientists off Hawaii (their big project is vacuuming up random animals from the deeps) and the hard legwork of Frontier Former Editor, I can have the best of both worlds! Presenting the Squidoctopus/Octosquid! Ain’t she a beauty?

squidoctopus/octosquid

 

It’s a squid, it’s an octopus, it’s … a mystery from the deep.

What appears to be a half-squid, half-octopus specimen found off Keahole Point on the Big Island remains unidentified today and could possibly be a new species, said local biologists.

The specimen was found caught in a filter in one of Natural Energy Laboratory of Hawaii Authority’s deep-sea water pipelines last week. The pipeline, which runs 3,000 feet deep, sucks up cold, deep-sea water for the tenants of the natural energy lab…“It’s a beautiful squid. It’s a gorgeous ruby red color,” Kelley said. “We really enjoy these little mysteries that come up.”

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Harry Potter, Marilyn Monroe, and Chewbacca: when wookiees attack!

Chewbacca

What we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is a repeat offender.

Chewbacca, a Wookiee listing his occupation as “co-pilot,” is the prime suspect in a sexual assault on the blonde bombshell Marilyn Monroe which took place during the long-awaited and star-studded premiere of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix at the illustrious Kodak Theatre.

CBS has the deets:

Chewbacca … sexually assaulted … Marilyn Monroe … in front of the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood in June. The wookie then evaded arrest, police said.

According to an officer with the LAPD, Chewbacca allegedly took the platinum-coiffed actress’s hand and placed it on his private parts as the characters performed for tips from tourists…

Hey, now that I think of it, just exactly what was he trying to perform, and how much will tourists pay to see that?

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