head.
Toldja.
Hat tip for the tipoff to With Malice
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
Category Archives: Hoaxes
Blogger’s Union Strike!
the blogger’s desiderata
All I have to say is that I wish I’d written this. Go. Now. Read the whole thing.
Stumble aimlessly amid the trolls and waste, but remember what peace there be in staring at your toes for a couple of weeks. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all readers. Publish your posts quietly and clearly, and listen to podcasts, even the dull and garbled, for they too have a right to hog bandwidth. Avoid loud and aggressive bloggers. They are pains in the ass.
GO.
LOLitics: Mannifest Destuny
Now, it’s not the first time the Yanks have made a move on our land. The last time they pulled this my ancestors had to go down and loot and burn the White House to discourage this kind of thing, and as we know from recent example, the gene pool has bred true.
But this time they have gone too far.
Welcome: Portraits of America, a new seven-minute film produced by Disney, will be shown in airports and embassies to woo visitors with a sanitised take on US landmarks. There are no shots of highways clogged with cars bumper to bumper. Instead, the camera pans over the wonders of the Grand Canyon, New York’s Chrysler building and the awe-inspiring power of the Niagara Falls.
But wait a minute. What falls are these? They don’t seem to resemble the Bridal Veil Falls that stand on the US side of the border. They do, however, look distinctly like the Horseshoe Falls, the immense curtain of water shrouded in mist that is the stock image of Niagara and lies almost entirely inside Canada. The annexation of a Canadian natural wonder was spotted by the news agency Associated Press.”This is an insult,” said Paul Gromosiak, an expert on the waterfalls. “This is not the US, this is 100% Canada, shot from the Canadian side.“
We have previously had our issues with the Guardian‘s coverage of Canada, but in this case we have little to add. Very little. Except: you don’t want to piss us off again.
That’s what Portraits of Americans are like.
This is what Portraits of Canadians are like.
via Bridlepath
Swords, baybee. We have swords. What do you have? A weak military force squandered in Iraq and a couple of dozen reserves out scouring the country side for escaped weasels. Tell them to look in Congress and the Senate.
The Vegan Anthem: a challenge and war cry!
First, some motivational music. Preeeeeee-senting the Arrogant Worms performing their breakout hit (Arrogant Worm nerds: no backtalk, please) Carrot Juice is Murder. Stolen from Seismic Twitch, and cross-posted in a couple of days to TeenyManolo. Lyrics over the jump, philosophical thesis statement, below.
And now, to the debate.
I’d like to introduce as a concept the proposition that quality of life impingements can be a justification for euthanasia. Now, I’m just saying that it is widely accepted that, if one’s quality of life were to decline to a point at which one could not move freely, think clearly, or make oneself understood with the inherent dignity which is humankind’s birthright, a painless form of euthanasia is an option which the majority of people believe should be made available to one within the framework of the law.
Example: Britney Spears.
Furthermore, I would like to suggest that, as we exterminate zombies not so much because they are zombies but rather as a tribute to the vast gap between who they are now and the humans that they once were, so, too, we should look at the principle of falling-somewhat-short-of-humanity as it applies to other life forms, such as vegetables.
They’re vegetables.
Not only are they vegetables, but they have no hope of becoming anything else within their lifetimes, free-roaming creative raw foodists who are dab hands with a smoothie notwithstanding.
Conclusion:
We should do our part. We should find the vegetables, wherever they are, and we should put them out of their suffering. We should do it now.
Animals, on the other hand, have no difficulty moving around and comporting themselves with greater elan than your typical celebutard. Like the inspirational blogger BeastFeaster, sworn to consume 52 species of the Animal Kingdom in 52 weeks, I’m switching to a renewable flesh-based diet. Perhaps I shall consume only limbs amputated on the field of battle, as a kind of recycling initiative.
Meat: the responsible choice. the moral choice. the only choice.
:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::
raincoaster 