Category Archives: Literary

blog-o-matic

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Mad scientist!Because sometimes you’re just too damn lazy to write the blog post yourself. Here, via the Generator Blog, is the Blog-o-matic blog post generator (now improved: 50% less maudlin than the LiveJournal post generator).

My result:

Everything to know about Genes

Last night I dreamt we simply need to realize to make peace on earth. Why am I talking about Genes, you probably wonder… OK, I will tell you something here now… Back in school things were still OK. Like a true poet or something. OK, but back to the story. But something felt awkward. I dreamt of a giant banana. Which isn’t something I post about usually, but…

Read more…

and the LiveJournal Generator:a blue kitten!!! OMG so cute!!!

Your entry is as follows:

Today was really great.
I got out of bed because I had to throw up. I’m really sick. I mean REALLY sick.

I feel sad, because Sarah and Britney are complete bitches. They told everyone I have an STD, just because I slept with both of their boyfriends on Saturday night.

I’m so sad. My kitten got run over this afternoon. I found him when I was coming home from school. His head was all squished. I took some photos. I’ll miss him. Poor kitty.

Last night I had to shave my entire body. Apparently, the lice that I caught from Amanda’s friend are really hard to get rid of. I look quite strange with no hair and eyebrows. I’d post pictures, but my webcam is broken.

I want to tell the world to get fucked.

I am making this journal friends only because I don’t want the world to read what I’m writing, even though I’m posting it on the internet.

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here’s ten thousand photographs of my cat.

I want to say thanks to the world for absolutely fucking nothing! You all suck. I feel so alone, no one ever reads this journal, or even comments to let me know that I’m not suffering alone. It’s cold here, and I want to die, but I cannot figure out how many of you to take with me when I go.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, which makes me different enough to be interesting, but the same as all the other cool people with bipolar disorder.

You should all do this quiz! It’s amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you Customize.

Type something here.

That’s enough for now. But I’ll leave you with this thought – sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I’m beautiful.

Created with the Gregor’s Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™. Update your journal today!
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death poetry jam: fired from Apple for laying it down hardcore on the Canadian FedEx lady

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Actually, all the FedEx ladies I know but one are gay. But Canadian FedEx ladies, gay, straight, or undecided Guatemalan poncho-clad and living off the Drive, are cool; this is not in dispute.

I knew one woman who worked with FedEx not because they had a great partner benefits program, which I believe they did, nor because the pay was good, which I believe it was, nor because the hours were flexible and suited her, which I believe they did, but rather because, on every cargo flight, there is an extra jumpseat in the cockpit which is available to FedEx employees who may wish to fly to, say, Bali, say, every Friday afternoon and return, oh, say every Monday morning, having surfed and parties the entire time, speaking hypothetically, of course.

Which reminds me to get my damn application in to FedEx. They need bloggers, right? Oh, totally.

In any case, here is the sad, yet amusing and Schadenfreude-laden tale of the star of Apple‘s local talent show, who allegedly-and-apparently got his butt fired for the following, talent-show-rocking, American Idol-worthy performance of, his ode to the Canadian FedEx lady.

Rhyme different?

And yes, they do indeed all have huge, anime eyes, the colour of Hudson’s Bay, Algonquin Park in October, Alberta sweetgrass, or the ice at the hidden heart of a Baffin Island glacier. Video over the jump.

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the search for meaning is itself meaningless…but I’m okay with that.

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TIAGod himself only knows how it was that a poor, overworked and obviously demented search engine, perhaps tired of finding the answers to only the most meaningless questions, reached out with the fragile query “Church etiquette for teenagers” and came up with my blog.

Other search engine items that led here:

and the immortal

Let it not be said that we at the ol’ raincoaster blog fail to come through for you, however righteous, gastrically distressed, scientifically curious, or obscene you may be.

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ask a ninja: ninja poetry

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You wouldn’t want to go up against a ninja at a poetry slam. But I had no idea the beret looked so fetching with the balaclava…it’s very Left Bank Che. Video over the jump:

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advice columns of the lesser gods

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Ramalamadingdong shoesOne does not lightly call the great shoeblogger the Manolo a “lesser” anything, but in a world which considers the phreaky fashion troll John Galliano to be a major god, well we must have a point of differentiation, so there it is.

In the world of advice columns, there is a wide range of approaches and, frankly, quality of advice. I am the humble and ashamed owner of “Can My Bridesmaids Wear Black,” an etiquette book which, at $1.95 for the hardcover on the “Please get these out of our store” table, was overpriced by approximately $2. And all the new (ie late-, as opposed to mid- or early-20th Century) Emily Post books are good primarily as fodder for humorous comparisons with books which don’t suck quite so hard.

In the world of advice columnists, the gods, of greatery or lesseryness as the case may be, there are Miss Manners, Ask a Ninja, Ask a Squid, and The Manolo. Of the first three we shall not speak…yet. Of the Manolo, we shall give only the following, perfect morsel. It is the superfantastic. It will be enough.

Dear Manolo,I’ve bitten the bullet and left academia and gone back to my true love—baking. I am opening a small bakery and I need to some comfortable, yet stylish shoes that have non-slip soles, can bear being covered in butter and sugar, but would still look good when I help in the front.
Kay

The Manolo says,
of the course, there are those who believe that one would be foolish to give up the golden perks of academia, such as the pleasures of frequently reading the papers in which the word “hermeneutics” appears twice in the first sentence, once juxtaposed next to the phrase “Gilligan’s Island”.

What? No more faculty meetings in which the professor of Marxist marketing comes to blows with the elderly Emily Bronte scholar over the matter of parking spaces?

Magritte Bowler shooz

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