Harry Potter, Marilyn Monroe, and Chewbacca: when wookiees attack!

Chewbacca

What we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is a repeat offender.

Chewbacca, a Wookiee listing his occupation as “co-pilot,” is the prime suspect in a sexual assault on the blonde bombshell Marilyn Monroe which took place during the long-awaited and star-studded premiere of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix at the illustrious Kodak Theatre.

CBS has the deets:

Chewbacca … sexually assaulted … Marilyn Monroe … in front of the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood in June. The wookie then evaded arrest, police said.

According to an officer with the LAPD, Chewbacca allegedly took the platinum-coiffed actress’s hand and placed it on his private parts as the characters performed for tips from tourists…

Hey, now that I think of it, just exactly what was he trying to perform, and how much will tourists pay to see that?

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reddit be hackt, yo!

reddit headerUnless the “IAUP VIOLATOR” title is one they wear proudly.

Test it yourself: go to reddit.com and look at the header image. Instead of its usual friendly, literate alien, you’ve got a couple of incestuous-looking aliens with some rather emphatic text above them. IAUP, by the way, stands for Internet Acceptable Use Policy. The hacked image is meant to imply that reddit does not abide by basic internet standards.

Is anyone taking credit for this yet? Leave your breadcrumbs in the comments section, please!

UPDATE: reddit be not hackt. Reddit be self-mocking. This is an improvement; now if we could only get them to stop lol-ing and get fixing things.

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the face of cheese

In the annals (yes, there are two N’s in that, even if you’re discussing celebritybuttplugs.com) of celebrity endorsements, there are many cautionary tales. Think “Babe for Baco’s!” Think “Michael Jackson for Match.com.” We may be looking at the latest victim of bad synergy.
Say hello to the face of stinky cheese:

Cat Deely

That’s Cat Deeley. Don’t worry if you’ve never heard of her: she’s a British celebrity. Nobody expects you to have heard of her. Well, at least she WILL be the face of cheese, if the Stilton Perfume people have their way.

Yes, I said Stilton Perfume.

Nigel White, of the SCA, brushed off suggestions that it might not be the most alluring of scents.

“Blue Stilton cheese has a very distinctive, mellow aroma and our perfumier was able to capture the key essence of that scent and recreate it in what is an unusual but highly wearable perfume,” he said.

“While we don’t have quite as generous a budget as some of her other endorsements, we would love Miss Deeley to be the face of Eau de Stilton and look forward to hearing what she thinks of the scent.”

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Harry Potter and the Secret Chamber Pot of Azerbaijan

Something to do with seeing Ronnie Corbett as Hagrid, perhaps? Or maybe the fact that THIS Snape is even sexier than the real one!

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a salute to the troops

Canadian Troops

Instead of racking my brains to come up with a (likely inferior) way of expressing my gratitude to the troops overseas, I think I’ll just suggest you read this eloquent letter from Lorrie Goldstein in the Winnipeg Sun. While reading it, I was thinking of a girl I used to babysit, now a mother of three and on her third tour of duty in Afghanistan. And I was thinking of Trevor Greene, still in St Paul’s Hospital, still working on rebuilding his life after an ambush and an axe to the head.

While you are reading this letter, never for one moment forget that the decision to go overseas, to become involved in wars, peacekeeping actions, and all such deployments, is a decision that is made not by military personnel, but by politicians. Direct your own letters and thoughts accordingly.

Given the recent lacklustre support by Toronto City Council for the men and women now serving our nation in Afghanistan, we dedicate today’s editorial celebrating Canada’s 140th birthday to all members of our military.

Thank you for choosing to serve Canada, whether you were born here or came here from another country.

Thank you for deciding that Canada is worth defending, both at home and abroad.

Thank you for being ready to sacrifice everything, not just a safe, comfortable life here at home with your loved ones, but your very lives, if necessary, to protect us and those who are in need of our protection abroad.

To the families of all who serve in our military, thank you for sharing your precious sons, daughters, husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, grandchildren, relatives and friends with us.

Like you, we pray they will complete their missions and return home safely to you as soon as possible. Like you, we pray for a just and lasting peace.

To those who face the unimaginable grief on this Canada Day, and every Canada Day to come, of missing the presence of a loved one because they died in the service of their country, know that we are thinking of you today.

That we grieve with you. That we pray for you. And that we will remember those you loved, and what they did for us and to help people they didn’t even know, forever.

To their parents, thank you for raising sons and daughters who willingly answered the call of their country.

We will always think of them as the fine young men and women of military bearing, frozen forever in the flower of youth, that we see in the pictures released upon their deaths.

But we know you remember them in a thousand different ways built up over a lifetime of memories — of lazy summer days, at family celebrations and of how they looked on their first day of school, or on the day they graduated.

To the wives, husbands and children of all those who have made the ultimate sacrifice in the service of their country, we cannot imagine the depth of your loss.

But we share your pride in who they were and like you, we celebrate what they did with their lives, because their lives mattered.

And so on this Canada Day, on our nation’s 140th birthday, we remember them, because they represent what Canada is all about at its very best.

Strong, free, honourable, compassionate — and dedicated to the service of others

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