LolCathulhu!!!

O R’lyeh?

Cathulhu

Stolen from Dossier‘s exhaustive roundup of Lols, which dwarfs those of all other lollisticles, even Laughing Squid; alas, they are not totally enchanted by my LolGoths, but that’s okay.

I’ve still got my poetry.

bonus discovery: LolCthulhu! As soon as I can load this machine with some graphics program less tarded than Paint I’ll be all over that like black, iridescent slime over the horribly mangled, decapitated corpse of a Shoggoth’s victim.

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my blog’s packed with porn (and so is yours)

Rove Poll DanceYay! We got a pressie!

Isn’t that great? YouTube gave us all a super-special surprise today, with their newest, bestest feature: an automatic scrolling ticker of possibly-related videos running across the bottom of every one of our own YouTube videos, right there in our blogs! How sweet is that, eh?

It’s just too bad that there is absolutely no screening for/against porn or graphic, real-life violence anywhere in this process.

Imagine my feelings upon discovering over on the WordPress.com technical help forum that a few of my friends had been enjoying the delights of superfatty porn (900+ pounds! I had a horse that weighed that) on my very blog while I was innocently watching nothing more exciting than the admittedly-delightful Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre performing their classic version of the Seventies outcast anthem Bohemian Rhapsody.

So YouTube thinks it can porn me and send a surprise
So they think they can pwn me and I’ll not get wise?
Oh baby – can’t pull shit like that, baby
Just gotta get it out – just gotta get it outta here

 

YouTube=BoobTube
Snuff films really matter
Your lawyer can see
This shit really matters – to your p/e.

Fatty ArbuckleYes, snuff videos are also featured in the lineup, although not on that particular video; there are many such easter eggs to find if you troll around a bit. These have even more impact when you find them on a child’s blog or a church, mosque or temple blog. How delighted they must be!

YouTube has thoughtfully added a way to shut off this feature, but alas it doesn’t work in WordPress.com blogs at all, so it seems. And it must be shut off video by video, even those in the archives. UPDATE: WordPress itself has figured out a way to circumvent this en masse, and now the feature works on precisely No WordPress.com blogs. Why they thought this “feature” should be the default rather than the option I do not know; or rather, I do: eyeball grabs. Literal versions of this metaphor are visible in the “related videos” to any number of children’s program clips.

How charming: it’s PeeWee’s Playhouse featuring today’s special guest, Willy Pickton!

Update 2.0: and YouTube caves to global outrage. Kinda

YouTube seems to sense disdain towards the new player and decided not to push users to hard (for the time being). So, rather than showing related videos at the bottom of the player (and the two annoying arrows on the two sides that on-click would seamlessly play the next related video) every time users hover over the video, you will see them only if you click on the ‘menu’ button or when the video finishes. In this case, the original video is zoomed out and also displays embedded code and URL of video.

As for the fatty porn: well, they say any more than an SUV-full is wasted…still, I was completely verklempt at the thought that these alleged respectobiggles were scratching their kink porn itches on the ol’ raincoaster blog, for all the world as if it were a sandstone dildo or sumpin. For shame, YouKnowWhoYouAre! And you over two thousand other video watchers today…

And I thought you loved me for my mind.

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Media Predict: calling all artsies! It’s power play time!

ming

Have you been to Digg lately? Yes? Then you’re probably an apolitical male in the lower levels of technology as a career and lifestyle. Everyone else has largely been chased out of there; the intellectual gene pool is self-selecting for inbreeding as a function of the way the system has been set up and the way the system has been gamed. It rewards people who form reward-based gangs to muscle the conversation in various directions, and it works very efficiently at this. It works this way in every social bookmarking network, as far as I can see.

The half-life of a useful community seems to be shrinking as well, as the gamers catch on that the games themselves are tranferable and they can simply take the exact same plan to wherever pops up next.

Reddit, for which I once had some hope, is quickly becoming a ghetto populated by amusing pictures of questionable provenance and American politics, period, which is a shame. With a wider base to begin with, and less scope for self-serving blather, there was every possibility that it could have become a general interest site with enormous reach, but that, obviously, didn’t happen. Part of the reason was the inability to categorize your submissions, so that everything was simply thrown into a huge pool (there are Sub-reddits for uh, for uh, for two things that apparently don’t interest me enough to remember them at all) and thus the single most popular conversation quickly becomes the only functioning one at all, as all other conversations are marginalized off the radar screen. And its functions facilitate vendetta: you can view everything posted by an individual, and just click through the whole list, downvoting things without reading them; as I type this, I’m losing points at reddit as someone does this very thing to my profile.

Truemors is very new, and entirely unfocused, but as yet it’s not reached a critical mass. A site based on rumours needs a certain minimum number of people who are both informed of interesting facts and of mixed enough loyalty to share them with strangers rather than keeping them to themselves. Guy Kawasaki‘s base does not consist of those people, let’s just say that, and there are times when it feels like I’m the only person who is NOT a marketer who’s posting to that site or even reading it. What it becomes will depend entirely on who it reaches; if he’s planning for the long term (which he probably is not) he should make it work as a Facebook add-on and recruit students, because in a couple of years they’ll be exactly who and what he needs for this site. As for right now, trolling Consumerist or some of the political sites might be more useful, because that’s where you find the vast disgruntled.

In each case, it looks like the way to keep the conversations meaningful is to keep the conversations separate. Fark has its niche and it rules it well, because it knows this lesson and it is edited by a dictator, yet another useful tip. If the techies want to talk tech, give them a tech forum for that or they’ll gang up and steal your site. If the politicos want to release media statements every fifteen minutes and flood the front page, give them a place to talk to the politically minded or rant into dead space as the case may be, so they don’t hijack more than their NVIP section. If you want to host one global metaconversation, the only way to prevent the hijacking seems to be to make distinct sandboxes and pull the most popular stories from each, which should be done by a dictator with a heart of stone and backbone of molybdenum steel. Ongoing antigaming action should be a given, but it’s not. If you build it and it functions, that does not necessarily mean it’s functioning as you intended it to; just ask a guy who builds guns for a living and who gets shot.

Now, us literati and other dwellers in the virtual Montparnasse get our own sandbox to play in, as Gawker reports. While we have an entirely too well-documented tendency to become addicted to gambling (and what are futures, if not gambling, eh?) Media Predict will, in all probability, be co-opted by some smart criminal who realizes that the methods of taking over a site like this are well established, widely available, and free to implement. Offer payouts in real money, have your army of runners collect the cash, skew the odds, and rake in the dollars from people who dare not turn you in lest they implicate themselves.

Oh. Wait. I need money. brb.

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they feel pretty, oh so pretty…

Pretty much outed, actually. Stolen from the voyeuristically delightful Celebrity Cosmetic Surgery blog, here’s a lovely little vid of before and after shots of celebrities, set to a classic tune.

Is this not the perfect place to mention that Spy reported that Angelina Jolie‘s pickup line was “Five bucks if you can guess what’s real”? That so TOTALLY would only work in LA.

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BBC reporter loses it on Scientology bot: the FULL story

Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars,
the best way would be to start his own religion”
L.Ron Hubbard
 

I’ve been feeling a little like reporter John Sweeney myself lately, and only today did something like this to a neighbor of mine, someone whose blithe inhumanity needed a good smackdown. Maybe the BBC should hire me, as I definitely scored more hits than this poor, hapless Brit.  

To be fair, he’d just sat through a video designed to destabilize people; to be fair to the Scientologist production crew, it’s obviously quite effective. But before they had a chance to move on to the “love bombing” phase of the experiment, the subject returned to the clutches of his profession and started asking questions.

Here is the full, just-under-a-minute rant when he snaps and goes apeshit on Tommy Davis, the blocker droid that L.Ron‘s minions sent to deal with him. Listen to the bot as he flawlessly repeats the same line for the entire duration of the verbal assault; it’s like the dilithium crystals got scratched and they’re skipping. THAT, my friends, is the truly scary part.

The rant is parenthesized by background reports from the BBC that explain, among other things, that prior to his outburst the reporter had been stalked for several days by Scientology operatives, and had just endured a 19-minute video designed to show that the Holocaust was the fault of psychiatry; this video included helpful scenes such as children getting needles in their eyes and other such light fare to set the tone.

One thing I’ll say for them; the Scientologists, for all that they’re psychiatry naysayers, understand psychology very, very well indeed.

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