The View Is More Beautiful Now That It Is Mine

Look out, Vancouver! Here I come

Look out, Vangroover, here I come!

It’s been quite awhile since we had an update on Operation Global Media Domination, so I thought I’d give you one, whether you like it or not.

And you just have to sit there and take it.

So: in the past couple of weeks, I’ve given the keynote talk (social media for writers) at the AGM of the Federation of BC Writers, been singled out in an article as a social media guru who is “the real deal,” presented on Content and Community Management at WordCamp Victoria (and gotten put up, gratis, at one of the finest hotels in the world, which opened up an entire bar just for me when I said I couldn’t sit in a draft {and I wasn’t just being princessy; I have doctor’s orders}), begun teaching Blogging for Writers online (yay for smart students!), been interviewed in Canadian Business magazine, been retweeted by Sir Ian McKellen, and became president of the Social Media Club of Vancouver.

How’d that happen? Well, I became Empr- I mean President when the former president, Eric Weaver, stepped down because of escalating work commitments. Those who were interested applied, and I was magically chosen, without any of the fuss and muss of those silly “election” thingies. We all know how those end up.

Nixon will be re-elected by a huge majority of Americans who feel he is not only more honest and more trustworthy than George McGovern, but also more likely to end the war in Vietnam. The polls also indicate that Nixon will get a comfortable majority of the Youth Vote. And that he might carry all fifty states… This may be the year when we finally come face to face with ourselves; finally just lay back and say it — that we are really just a nation of 220 million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns, and no qualms at all about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.

Hunter S. Thompson

So, perish the thought.

What’s being President of SMCYVR like? Rather like this:

We Three Queens

‘What do you mean by ‘If you really are a Queen”? What right have you to all yourself so? You can’t be a Queen, you know, till you’ve passed the proper examination. And the sooner we begin it, the better.’

‘I only said “if”!’ poor Alice pleaded in a piteous tone.

The two Queens looked at each other, and the Red Queen remarked, with a little shudder, ‘She says she only said “if” – ‘

‘But she said a great deal more than that!’ the White Queen moaned, wringing her hands. ‘Oh, ever so much more than that!’

‘So you did, you know,’ the Red Queen said to Alice. ‘Always speak the truth — think before you speak — and write it down afterwards.’

‘I’m sure I didn’t mean — ‘ Alice was beginning, but the Red Queen interrupted her impatiently.

‘That’s just what I complain of! You should have meant! What do you suppose is the use of child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning — and a child’s more important than a joke, I hope. You couldn’t deny that, even if you tried with both hands.’

‘I don’t deny things with my hands,’ Alice objected.

‘Nobody said you did,’ said the Red Queen. ‘I said you couldn’t if you tried.’

‘She’s in that state of mind,’ said the White Queen, ‘that she wants to deny something — only she doesn’t know what to deny!’

A nasty, vicious temper,’ the Red Queen remarked; and then there was an uncomfortable silence for a minute or two.

The Red Queen broke the silence by saying to the White Queen, ‘I invite you to Alice’s dinner-party this afternoon.’

The White Queen smiled feebly, and said ‘And I invite you.’

‘I didn’t know I was to have a party at all,’ said Alice; ‘but if there is to be one, I think I ought to invite the guests.’

‘We gave you the opportunity of doing it,’ the Red Queen remarked: ‘but I daresay you’ve not had many lessons in manners yet?’

‘Manners are not taught in lessons,’ said Alice. ‘Lessons teach you to do sums, and things of that sort.’

But the Red Queen drew herself up rather stiffly, and said ‘Queens never make bargains.’

‘I wish Queens never asked questions,’ Alice thought to herself.

Well, I don’t see why we WOULD; we have all the answers. We’re the queens of social media. Which reminds me how much Twitter is like a gay bar, particularly after 10 certain weekend evenings.

It’s not that Vancouver is underserved by organizations that specialize in getting people active in social media to have some facetime (often in association with alcohol or education). We’ve got…you know what? If I list them here I’m quite certain to leave out somebody, who will then be horribly offended. But you know what? When have I ever hesitated to offend people?

I know, right?

The Red Queen knows how this social media game works

So we’ve got, in no particular order and I don’t care how many times you read it, there is no particular order: Net Tuesday, for professional do-goodniks who want a fairly high level of tech talk on the metrics of Facebook fundraising campaigns, etc; the Blogger’s Meetup, which is primarily social with a sideline in education and offers bloggers specifically a chance to have dinner and a chat with local people they may know better by handle than by name; the very popular, networky Third Tuesday which for reasons I can never understand always seems to be on either the Monday when I have the Shebeen Club so I can’t go (not that this is a causal factor in their reasoning) or on Wednesday which, regardless of its other merits (and it is certainly a fine day, as fine a day of the week as any and I don’t care WHAT they say about Wednesday’s Child in that interminable poem and I myself am one but where was I?) certainly never falls on a Tuesday, but now that it IS on Tuesday I’m teaching on Tuesday anyway, and sadly usually falls (or rises) at Ceili’s, for which vast alcohol and hookup cavern I have about as much affection as I do for the late Ronald Reagan; there’s the almost “boutique” sized Dot Com Pho for noodling with our local evil genius John Chow; and here we get to all those lovely people I said I was going to forget, and I have. At least I do what I promise, eh?

And we’re not even counting the professional associations, the marketing meetups, the Board of Trade kinda stuff,Emo Queen, that's me

of which there is no shortage or at least I don’t think there’s a shortage, given that my friend Shane runs two or three himself.

Factor in the fact that all of these groups and all of the individuals are based in…Vancouver…and those of you who’ve socialized or worked in Vancouver will know what that means. It means we’re very nice, very friendly with people with whom we are already friends, and, although we generally mean not to be, very touchy.

There, I said it.

And all of these people have at their disposal a full skill set and: Facebook, Twitter, Meetup.com, blogs, comments, phones, emails, newsletters, newspaper announcements, telegrams, Tumblrs and the will and power to use them.

Being of Irish extraction (as I have been all my life), I have enormous experience in dealing with touchy people, including myself. My policy is that since prevention of social tensions is effectively impossible (see the Law of Conservation of Catastrophe) my aim is to achieve perfect equilibrium by making sure that tension is maintained equally in 360 degrees.

Which brings us back to Operation Global Media Domination and my personal motto: 49 degrees latitude, 360 degrees attitude!

Wish me luck!

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what did you do today, raincoaster?

Shakespeare got to get paid

Today it isn’t so much what I’ve done as what I’m going to do; I’m going to give the keynote speech tonight at the AGM for the Federation of BC Writers. I’m also going to take the opportunity to pimp out my intensive, 10-week online Blogging for Writers course that starts next week, and my June 19th Social Media Self-Promotion for Writers half-day workshop.

Dud my nails for the occasion, too! Sparkly!

Posted an announcement about my new linkblogging service for celebrity/gossip or fashion blogs:

$100 a month gets you a list of links three times a week, minimum 10 links to different blogs. More links, or more frequently, more money, obviously. Every blog that buys into the monthly link service is automatically included in the links, of course, and the more blogs that buy the service the more powerful in terms of Googlejuice and visibility each link will be. Completely custom link lists are also available, but if I’m going to spend two hours looking for links already day in and day out, you’re gonna hafta make it worth my while. Send Viggo with cash.

I also blogged:

Dropped a couple of quite pointed comments, even for me:

  • On Gawker, about Starbucks watering down its high-class image:
    Starbucks hasn’t been dedicated to high-end coffee at the expense of market share for about…lemme count on my fingers…oops, have to take off my shoes and socks too… twelve years. I was working there at the time, and you could feel the “shareholder-driven focus” seep through the stores like the nauseating vapours from an open grave. They still have good coffee, but that’s only because they want to keep the people they hooked with it, like me. They also pander to people with terrible, soy-creme-mocha-chippichino taste, because they roam the cities and towns of this world like lumbering herds of calorie-addicted ATMs.
  • On Ann Hathaway’s loser boyfriend (not that one, the new one) ripping down part of a mural, perhaps because he thought it was a Banksy:
    I like to think that the idiots who tear down/paint over Banksy works spend an eternity in a unique circle of Hell where they are viciously butt-raped by LeRoy Neiman and Thomas Kinkade. [banksystreetart]

Answered about 20 questions in the Support forum.

Threw about 12 items on the Tumblr for possible later use.

Outlined the Vancouver Social Media Club event on the 27th, for which I hope not to be in town, actually, and emailed several places to arrange a venue. And roughed out the announcement, which cannot go out until I get the nod from the venue, UGH, even though the Straight deadline is tomorrow.

Applied to be a speaker at 140 Character Conference, a Twitter conference run by the very cool Jeff Pulver. My proposed topic is using Twitter to initiate offline action in your readers.

Took the exit survey from Northern Voice.

Grocery shopped like a fiend. The shelves at London Drugs will never be the same; seriously, if you’re flexible, buying food from drugstores in the middle of the night can save you shitloads, because they’ve always got SOMETHING they’re trying desperately to get rid of, less than half-price. I’m eating packaged, microwaveable Indian vegetarian meals and canned fish for the next three weeks, it would seem.

Realized the Shebeen Club is NEXT FREAKING MONDAY which means all the invites have to go out via social media tomorrow, and we’ll miss the papers. This is what I get for booking a speaker who promptly takes off for Malaysia. “Pull a topic out your ass” night it is then! Thank god it’s Zombie Awareness month.

Noted that my first post on Sami Salo’s testicles has 666 hits. Hmmm. Does that mean he’s cursed? Or that the devil loves to read interviews with social media gonads?

Bitched endlessly on Twitter about the two drunken hipster chicks who sat in our doorway so they could loudly conduct a “private” conversation. If it had been more interesting than “Oh my god I totally don’t wanna be your friend when you’re like this! I’m not like this? I mean, I’m like this now, but I’m totally not, like, LIKE this, you know?” I’d have liveblogged it. Must. Get. Webcam. “ZOMBIE HIPSTERS OF VANGROOVER” sure to be a Youtube smash!

Neglected (once again) to blog the fantastic Bombay Sapphire event I went to Monday. Oh well, so far I’ve posted it on Twitter 12 times and that’s 12×5500 readers, so I’m sure they’re okay with me taking my sweet time.

Somewhere in all this I went for an hour-long walk around my neighborhood, which is always a rewarding experience, particularly when I run into the kitten I rescued on Christmas Eve a few years ago, all grown up and haughty. And get to chat with the cute guy who works at Union Market. Suddenly, yeah, I LOVE talking about the weather.

Decided on the spur of the moment to do the Shebeen Club press release right now…see ya l8r!

What Did You Do Today, raincoaster?

Desert Island disc-less

via fleetfootedfox

Nothing much, just:

Posted:

Discouraged a half-dozen or so people from attempting to pull the broken glass out of the door of the office and break in. I have some powerful stink-eye. A junkie kicked the glass door in the other day, but we have bars too, so even if you did scabble with your paws and get all the broken glass and the glass patch and the vinyl patch out of the frame, you’d just be stuck standing there looking in, only with you’re own blood all over your hands, and wouldn’t you feel stupid then, eh?

Watched an old lady get helped out of her wheelchair so she could root around in her bag for her crack pipe, and then watched as she dropped the pipe and the burning crack onto her slipper socks and then tried to suck the crack out.

Declared a moratorium on talking about dead people. Until BusyBeeBlogger pointed out that would give VanityFair nothing to talk about, so I said it was okay as long as the people were dead, fabulous, and not of my circle of acquaintances. Which describes most of the people they write about to a T. Or even an I.

Read Gawker and got depressed.

Pre-posted for the next couple of days. I’ll have to do a linkpost and something for TrueSlant Monday, but otherwise can take a day and a half at least off without feeling guilty.

Realized that, of my top ten posts, only one is less than a year and a half old. And got more depressed.

Self-diagnosed (probably accurately) with this fancy new, imported death fungus (25% fatality!). Have to get myself back to the doctor; maybe I should just camp there? I have every one of these symptoms INCLUDING the one only reported in animals so far. And I’ve had these symptoms for two months now.

Dealt with the post office, the bank, the other bank, Fido, the Sister, the Shebeen Club event on Monday, and American Apparel, who apparently wishes to send the Manolosphere some shoon.

On the plus side, when I go over to Victoria to speak at WordCamp Victoria, they’re putting me up at the Fairmont Empress. Yes, you may now envy me. Oh, AND the afterparty is going to be a gin tasting at Clive’s with a representative from Victoria gin and perhaps another gin which hasn’t been released to the public yet. Gotta hand it to that Dutch Courage: it works. There I was snarking about how you could use the stuff to strip paint and BAM! They ping me on Twitter and offer me another sample to see if it hasn’t improved. That takes courage of SOME kind, for sure.

Victoria gin is the third gin company that’s offered me a bottle, but it should be noted that Beefeater hit me up on Twitter and offered, but never actually came through with the goods. Bombay, of course, did. Not that I keep track of these things.

I submitted my blogs to Zemanta for consideration for inclusion in their devastatingly clever little linking system.

I offered up my services as a linkblogger: if I’m going to spend two hours every two days doing this, I might as well resell the end product: doing so will actually increase the value of each link, as it’ll be coming to any particular post from an increasing number of blogs. So, if you know a gossipblogger who’s got better things to do with his/her time than read and link, let me know. The more people who buy the service, the cheaper it gets.

Checked and re-checked Google and Bing for why they’re not indexing Lolebrity properly: I think it all comes down to this topless Helen Mirren photo. Hell, I even photoshopped out the nipples AND covered them with @ signs: what do these people want from me????

And, of course, did this post.

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What did you do today, raincoaster?

Pyotr Kotov. A Female Shock-Worker of the “Red Sormov” Works. 1936

Oh, you mean besides edit five chapters of the Guerrilla Marketer’s Guide to Social Media Marketing? And walk for an hour to get exercise?

I did this:

I posted:

Betty White on SNL sneak peek leaked video!
https://raincoaster.com/2010/04/05/betty-white-on-snl-sneak-peek-leaked-video-clip/

The Screenwriter’s Challenge 2010
http://theshebeenclub.com/2010/04/04/the-screenwriters-challenge-2010/

Easter Caption Contest
http://ayyyy.com/2010/04/05/easter-caption-contest/

Che What?
http://lolebrity.net/2010/04/05/che-what/

iPad News: will it blend?
https://raincoaster.com/2010/04/05/ipad-news-yes-it-will-blend/

Easter, what really happened
https://raincoaster.com/2010/04/05/easter-what-really-happened/

Patrick Kim McDermott’s Return from Xanadu
http://trueslant.com/lorrainemurphy/2010/04/05/patrick-kim-mcdermotts-return-from-xanadu/

David Sedaris explains Easter to the French
http://theshebeenclub.com/2010/04/05/david-sedaris-explains-easter-to-the-french/

Godzilla’s Plea
http://lolebrity.net/2010/04/05/godzillas-plea/

Adam Lambert’s Mini Me
http://lolebrity.net/2010/04/05/adam-lamberts-mini-me/

Phoebie Price reaches for the stars

So…11 posts, and five book chapters today. I am not quite sure in fuzzy retrospect how many Strongbows or Raven Cream Ales Shane had to pay for, but I goddam well earned ’em! And the Hendrick’s Martini I remember ordering off the top of the evening…

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what did you do today, raincoaster?

open your eyes

Yes, it’s a Unicorn Chaser kinda day. Nine posts. Well, really more than nine, because I also made two posts on each of two different blogs that are scheduled to go up over the weekend, so that’s thirteen posts today, and I’ve been at it since 5am and it’s now 1:56 the next am, which is why you saw me not at all yesterday. Nor will again till Monday.

Also: affiliate linked up five blog posts, and did about 30 emails for and to the Social Media Club of Vancouver (keep the 18th for us! It’ll be fab!) and another half-dozen for the Shebeen Club and another half-dozen twitter back-and-forths on behalf of a UK author who wants me to rep her books in North America; since she’s a best-seller, that shouldn’t be too difficult. Oh, and got the news that one of the Shebeen Club members has just gotten an order for 50,000 of her first novel, and sold a movie option (for the second time), which, like, hurray! And don’t forget the little people!

And confirmed that I’m the speaker at the AGM of the Federation of BC Writers and that it’s already such a popular talk that people are asking how to join the Fed and if I give this talk (Social Media for Self-Promotion) any other time (I do, but it’s $150 a head to take that class, so joining the Fed is way cheaper) and that they now want me to give a whole series of talks, because the demand is that solid. And since the pay is that solid, I said a solid yes.

Posts:

Whew! And now, I collapse!

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