ZOMG how did Nikki Finke miss this? It’s true! Reese Witherspoon‘s erstwhile boytoy and eternally-perky heartthrob Jake Gyllenhaal has been videotaped attempting to separate himself from the clammy embrace of illicit and unspeakable tentacles. We can only pray he makes it.
In the tradition of Hemingway’s Six Word Novels and David B. Dale’s 299 Word Novels, we present a new classic of Irish Literature
Act One:
Act Two:
See how behind the times I am? The iPhone Taboo video was uploaded to YouTube just over a year ago and I only got my JesusPhone last month! Well, I’ve finally joined the 21st Century at last. While I’d love to have a bunch of clients who pay me with … you know … what do they call it, that stuff … MONEY! Right, right, “money,” that’s what it’s called.
Yeah.
While I’d love to have a bunch of clients pay me with “money” none of the people who currently beg me to work for them seem to have any of that, so instead we have regressed to a primitive barter system: you buy me drinks and you can ask me questions about WordPress until I’ve finished them. You let me stay in your house for a month at Christmas, eating your food, drinking your wine, and annoying your pets and I don’t make fun of the fact you’re still on Blogspot. You give me an iPhone and I will give your blog a good once-over and update things you never even knew you had.
Now all I need is somebody with a liquor store who wants a Twitter account and I’m golden.
All Hail the JesusPhone!
You know it. I know it. We all know it.
Also: is this Mars, or the Canadian Shield?
The God of War is female? Not news to anyone who’s been reading raincoaster!
raincoaster 