meet Banditcar, lightsaber sensei

Ah, I love the internets. Getting big online is like starting a religious cult: if something doesn’t exist in the real world, just make it up. Once enough people believe in your premise, Bob‘s your uncle.

Before eBay, did anybody think Six Million Dollar Man crap was really worth THAT much? Suppose I can’t be too smug, though: I actually HAD that t-shirt. And no, I didn’t get it at the time.

As I write this, I am pimping out my Second Life avatar in preparation for leading online blogging classes. So we’re all about the meta, the virtual, and the zeta today.
For an example of the kind of ephemeral (and temporary {hello Mahir! I kiss you!}) career which the intertubes have brought down the i-chute, may I present Bandicar, the Lightsaber Sensei.

With no fewer than 26 different saber spinning styles, each with its own YouTube video, a presumably economically-rewarding relationship with the manufacturer of regulation lightsabers, and a DVD release last year, Banditcar here has clearly maximized the metaverse’s potential for self-promotion.

Hmm, are lightsabers futuristic or retro?

I have to ask these things.

Whether he’d truly be any good in a real lightsaber fight is a question which is the quintessence of irrelevance, given that there is actually no such thing as a lightsaber and thus, no such thing as a real lightsaber fight. So, it’s not a real object or a real activity, but it is a real career. Got that? Hey, money’s just a mutually agreed upon delusion anyway. It makes TOTAL sense to me.

Now, to think of crossover opportunities. Oh, ComicCon, sure, but let’s get creative here. Lightsaber-wielding bodyguard? Hey, we’ve endured the Cooterflash Wars, the Duelling DUI‘s: since lengthy prison stints do tend to take one off TMZ‘s radar, perhaps Pimp My Bodyguard is the way to go, and in the darkness of most nightclubs I can’t think of a more impressive way to stand out in Teddy‘s than to be guarded by a ring of lightsaber stormtroopers. Oh, scuse me, I’ve got a call…

Vin Diesel on Line One.

Vin Diesel, nerd

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breaking news: Cheney’s missing fingers located!

Cheney Bush puppet

Reuters has the full report, but surely this is no suprise to anyone who’s been following the US political situation for the past seven years.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – President George W. Bush had five polyps removed during a routine colon cancer test…

Acting Emperor Doctor Evil Dick Cheney had no comment.

He refused to remove his right hand from inside his jacket.

He likewise refused all requests to drink a glass of water while the President was speaking.

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quiz: how white and nerdy are you?

The results of this should be very interesting, coming from certain of my readers.

As for moi, no surprise.

62%! Go me! To the Renaissance Faire!

How White and Nerdy r u?

Stolen from The Thinking Southerner

for the original video, click here; for the Lego version, click here.
We’re ALL ABOUT Weird Al and the White and Nerdy!

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donuts across the ocean

It’s sweet, don’t you think! Can’t we all just get along?

Homer Simpson and the Cerne Abbas Giant animated

from b3ta passed along by azahar

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Homer Simpson! What are you DOING with that donut?

Homer Simpson and the Cerne Abbas Giant

And, really, shouldn’t it be spelled “doughnut” if only for old-time’s sake? He’s an old-fashioned boy at heart, ya know.

Looks to me like ol’ Homer here is simply taking advantage of the “Special Relationship” to coax the Cerne Abbas Giant into a friendly game of ring toss. You’ll notice that Homer is proudly wearing tighty whities, while his British counterpart goes sternly commando. This is traditional with what’s known in a certain crowd as “Special Relationship Games:” the Yanks just do it to the Brits over and over and the Brits just take it. Just be glad it’s not lawn darts they’re playing.

According to the Sun, Limey pagans are threatening to perform terrifyingly effective rain dances that will wash away every trace of the offending Yank. Oh, that’ll teach ’em! A bunch of loopy New Ageists holding hands and pretending to be Lakota Sioux.

I have a feeling this is Churchill‘s fault, but I’m gonna blame Thatcher anyway on general principles.

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