Category Archives: Operation Global Media Domination

Just what it sounds like. My quest to conquer the global media and take over the world. Maybe I can get my library fines cancelled…what can I say? It’s a last-ditch effort.

Operation Global Media Domination: i luv Brian Atene

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TIAAnd also Steve Carrell and Stephen Colbert. But me wuvs Brian Atene best of all. Why? Check it out! I may have momentarily gone down six hundred thousand places on Technorati thanks to switching from raincoaster.wordpress.com to raincoaster.com, but I am #1 on Google when you’re looking for a horrific trainwreck of a video audition for Stanley Kubrick (CUE-brick!). It’s really just a matter of time until the G-gle catches on to the second in the series, Brian Atene 2.0: Good Day Mr. Kubrick 2006!

In related famewhoredom news, I applied for a job at Gridskipper, although my current state of penury precludes travel on anything grander than the Seabus, so wish me luck. Somebody’s been checking my Gawker Comments, so go me! Is that “break a keyboard?” Although I debate whether it was smart of me to give them the link to the tag “Operation Global Media Domination but not the one to Travel“. Live and learn; they can, presumably, operate a sidebar.

Also, got links on two pretty darned impressive sites this week. Not only are they among the Technorati darlings, but they’re readable besides, and Pharyngula is almost entirely focused on Squid and politics. Believe me, it’s extremely tempting to reference every single post in that one, but so far I’ve restricted myself to the Cthlhu license plate and the Octoporn. I am itching, however, to do something on the Mystery Blob from the Fjord that Time Forgot…all in good time, all in good time. Full disclosure: I am the one that dropped the link in the comments section (Blog Pimping 101) but in that case I had to link to my blog because the damn computer was overloaded and wouldn’t let me go to YouTube directly. I hope the vid worked for them.

Ace of Spades is the second new blog to give me a link, and they picked the Brian Atene 2.0 update. There’s no way that is the real Brian Atene, but we can only hope he grew up to be that funny. When is Defamer going to catch on to this? I emailed them days ago, dammit! When is Defamer going to say thanks?

In other news, posting is going to slow right down around here, because I am SICKSICKSICK (yeah, what else is new? Har, har) and tomorrow I have to take a teenager to Fright Night at the PNE, thanks to wrobitaille from Waiterblog Forum, who just up and gave me free tickets, cuz that’s how he rolls, yo. At least if I barf I can blame it on the icky zombies.

Wish me luck.

Operation Global Media Domination: if it swims, it wins

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baby microscopic octopusTIAI may as well give you what you want:

All Seafood, All the Time!

Seriously! And to think, when I started this blog I was getting incredulous “what, another post about Squid?” comments…

This is the list of searches that led to my blog today. You read the writing on the aquarium wall…

Search ViewsColossal Shrimp???
prawn on treadmill 14
steve irwin death video 11
prawn on a treadmill 11
beautiful agony 9
prawns on a treadmill 6
beautiful agony sample 6
steve irwin dead video 5
prawns on treadmill 4
Steve Irwin‘s Death Video 4

And what is my top post for today, beating out perennial winner and cleanest-cut pornsite on the planet Beautiful Agony, everyone’s new fave morbid wank, the Steve Irwin Death Video Controversy, and the Dancing With Has-Beens Dream Team of Aleksy Vayner and Lucy Gao?

Shrimp on a motherfucking Treadmill.

So basically, if it swims it wins.

The Technorati Blogworth Calculator in the sidebar finally updated and gave me another ten thousand dollars in imaginary play money (the only kind with which I am familiar) so I shall not kill the link. Yet. In related OGMD news, I’ve been consistently namechecked on ABC due to the Foley transcript that I linked to which is on…ABC. I outrank them in their own site.

I do not know what WordPress is doing, but I hope they keep on doing it, I tell you.

As well, I got some hits from CBS for snarking on Gao, which you can always depend on me to do, because I didn’t get to go to Oxford, and I’m not nearly such an ass, dammit, but I’m so over that now. That’s old news, but the Vayner saga, Vayner's model shotwhich I’ve mostly given a miss, has millions of people going “Gao, who is Gao?” at all the retro references and hitting the search engines. I’d rather own one douche than have a small piece of lots of them, so I’ve avoided much coverage of Vayner, laughable though he is (and by contrast Lucy Gao is really just callow, controlling and self-absorbed; she didn’t plagiarize a book on the Holocaust or invent pretend charities to head up). If he ends up getting busted with a converted schoolbus full of followers for some kind of cult murder I’ll be sorry, but until that time I shall sleep peacefully on this decision.

Oh shit, you don’t think he will, do you? Dayum…too late to jump aboard. The juggernaut has already left the station.

Allsorts: I don’t know who junaman is, but lots of people read him. He linked to my What is, like, up with Americans Megataco commercial and the next thing you know I have 117 hits! Well okay, I put the link into his comments section, Blog Pimping 101, but it’s proof that if you do that it had better be damn good, because the next time I checked the thread he’d gone and updated the post and given me the linkie luv. I don’t really mind making an ass of myself, but it feels so good when I don’t, ya know?

Also: won a cheap plastic token of appreciation on Defamer. Personally, I think that’s a terrible way to refer to Tara Reid, but we’ll let it go. The joke that won was an utterly filthy reference to a very obscure aspect of the Superman Kaldor mythology.

In related news, I’m right up there when you search for Tickle Me Darth?Celebrity Sex Tapes, courtesy of the Fondle Me Elmo furry YouTube I stole from Defamer. Again, I outrank the source; that’s what being dirty-minded when writing ledes will get you.

And the Osmond video link I posted to Gawker (Blog Pimping 101 again) seems to have gone slightly viral, ending up giving me double-digit hits from car racing forums for something that was actually recorded back before Donny was a solo act. Still, this was my good deed for the week, for yea verily, they rawked that shiat!

Okay, I’ve done double my normal weekly word count today and you’re no doubt thinking “Too much black, not enough modesty, biatch” but nyah nyah, Andy gave me my own domain, so there!

I always knew being a dictator would come naturally to me.

The view is more beautiful now that it is mine. Seriously.

okay, so now I’m paranoid

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TIAThis Monday I found out that, while I was out in Surrey at the Conference, I had been used as a guinea pig in a bold and transformative experiment…

without my permission.

You can imagine how I feel about that.

You’d be wrong.

I can’t say I felt quite normal all weekend: for one thing, I was awake at seven-thirty or eight each morning. Or, okay, eight-twenty the day I accidentally switched my alarm ringer to “silent” (what the hell kinda option is that for an alarm, I ask you???). Still, there was coffee there and I managed to feed myself through a combination of cold, hard cash and making myself useful to the Board members, who plied me with oat cakes, fruit roll-ups, and a whopping big plate of mediocre buffet food on one glorious occasion.

Hey, at least the pasta salad is always a safe choice.

For another, I came down with the cold/flu bug that’s going around. So I was not quite feeling myself; still, it’s traditional that when the rains come so do the germs. I’ll get a hot water bottle and some advil and I’ll live.

I managed to struggle home and blog on Monday, whereupon I checked stats (I know: how unthinkable is that, eh? Me checking stats) and I found a whole raging snotload of hits from some WordPress official page called Trick or Treat.

I could not recall having posted to such a page, so I had no idea why 90-some-odd people were coming to my blog through a link there, so of course I figured I’d go and check it out.

I also noticed a simple comment: HA! from some guy named Andy. Turns out Andy is … hmmmm, if not exactly Mr. WordPress the way the dad was Mr. Brady, he’s one of the handful of wee Wordpressers; in other words, he’s living in the big house and closer to Mr. WordPress than Cousin Oliver: perhaps think of him as Greg. What weirds me out, though, is that he’s just left another comment: what has he done THIS TIME???

FYI: I’d like a small island in the South Pacific…

So here I am adding to my scrapbook collection of Inet superstars: Xeni down, Andy down, Scoble, you’re next!

But what does this mean? you’re probably asking, and not for the first or last time on this blog, let me tell you.

WordPress gave me a pressie: in fact, they gave me a promotion. I am now the proud owner of www.raincoaster.com, and this is it.

Yep, WordPress just up and gave me my own domain, which is more than years of Machiavellian efforts on my own behalf have been able to do, let me tell you.

The view is more beautiful now that it is mine.

Black (Ops) Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young

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Hail! Ia! Ia!It looks like it’s Cthulhu Day both here and, thanks to me, on Boris‘ blog as well; and, thanks to Jupiter, on Gawker too. It’s a shame I missed tying it in to Mental Health Day; it would have been a perfect matchup.

In any case, we’ve had a cartoon from Hello Cthulhu and a nice bit of Cthuloid fiction, as well as a lovely and collectible street sign, so let’s look at the nonfictional aspects of it. Are there applications of the mythos to the current situation in Washington? Beyond those that have already been mentioned on the blog?

Yew betcha there are:

MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS:
MISKATONIC UNIVERSITY:
SEPTEMBER 16, 2004

Professor THIDWICK will not meet his class in “Modern American Politics” this morning, or indeed any morning. In partial explanation we offer this note, written by him in the pre-dawn hours:

I begged the Dean not to make me teach “Modern American Politics” this semester. I knew that in order to teach it properly I would have to delve into the secrets of the Bush administration. I knew that I would learn THINGS THAT HUMANS (as we say in these post-sexist times) ARE NOT MEANT TO KNOW. I feared that this would drive me insane–into shrill unholy madness. And so it has.

But up until now I have still able to teach my course. I am proud of that. Far gone in shrill unholy madness as a result of the incompetence, mendacity, malevolence, and disconnection from reality that I am, I could still communicate with my students in English and. Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Krugman R’lyeh wagn’nagl fhtagn! Aiiiiiii!!!

Apologies. The fits come and go. They come more quickly now. By proper effort of will I can sometimes. Ph’nglui mglw’nafh. Stop them. There. But I fear that tonight I have taken another step, and will no longer be able to intelligibly communicate with humanity. I have learned more. So shrill as to be inaudible to human hearing. But the dogs will still hear me, for a while at least.

While preparing tomorrow’s lecture I came across this: a letter from Michael Scheuer, the head of the CIA’s Osama bin Laden unit from 1996-1999…

Go on. You know you want to read the rest.

Operation Global Media Domination: not goodbye, but au revoir

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TIAand here I am again!

Thankfully, it appears that none of you particularly missed me. Hits took a slight dip on Friday, as they always do, but you came back like swallows to Capistrano or, more likely, alcoholics to the saloon, on Sunday. For this I can thank Mark Foley, Mark Foley, Mark Foley, Mark Foley, Mark Foley, the trailer for 300, Ohio Northern University, the FW 109, Colin McEnroe’s Blogging On class at Trinity College in Hartford, CT, Technorati‘s front page (finally broke the top 30,000!), and Steve Irwin, who is still dead at 44.

Note, if you will, that my post about Foley‘s IM transcripts, which quotes from and links to ABC‘s complete transcript, actually outranks the ABC post it refers to in searches on ABC.com.

I don’t know what WordPress is drinking, but I’ll have one!